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As a working parent, you need to choose your battles wisely, for we have only so much time in which we need to do everything we want to.
As you grow older, you realize that certain things or rather certain people don’t deserve a response. We create less drama as we grow older (and possibly wiser) but at the same time we demand the same from people. To be reasonable.
So it was easy for me to ignore certain comments made by a celebrity wife in spite of being a working woman. I don’t expect a twenty something whose only achievement probably is marriage to a celebrity to have the maturity or realize the struggles. It’s probably unfair of me to make this statement too, I am no one to judge someone else’s life.
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But this also made me do a root cause analysis of the whole scenario. I have certain observations and I list them as I go ahead :
We live in an Information Age where written and indirect communication has somehow become very important. The ancient Greeks and Indians laid emphasis on verbal communication. Ram-Leela was performed in front of live audiences so the reaction of audiences was instant. All our epics were transferred in form of recitations and there itself is the difference.
Today it is easy to hide behind a pseudonym and write nonsense. Just read the comments section of any post on any internet media. It is filled with at least one fool who thinks bullying is okay, using cuss words unnecessarily is okay, judging strangers is okay. It is simpler to write hateful words than to say them. That alone is not the problem. Try saying the same words to a person on face, a little something called basic decorum stops us because the reaction would be instant. You could read the disappointment, fear, hurt on the other persons face.
And that is one of the problem of this internet age. We say things we don’t mean.
It has slowly transformed from being a powerful word to a word with negative connotation. Open any of Facebook’s so called humor pages and you will find memes of sexist humor and memes making fun of the idea behind feminism. My favorite being the graph that relates feminism to body weight and ugliness.
Question is who is to blame for it? Patriarchy or pseudo feminists? What is worth fighting for? I have my own idea of feminism which may differ from the said celebrity wife and I have the maturity to give her time to mature. I have the maturity to accept that at 20 I had a totally different set of beliefs. I am a firm believer that feminism is not only needed for women but if we really want to bring about change it is a gender neutral phenomenon.
Why should I care about what a celebrity wife thinks? Why should I care about how the so called top comedians fought midair? The click bait sites are another story. “Ten reasons why feminism is a hoax.#6 really surprised me” and I am tempted to read what #6 is.
It’s all a capitalist world feeding on our reactions, our emotions. It’s the media which ingrains in me that I need to care enough to feed their TRPs. There are a thousand news channels who want to run 24 hours and need something to create a hue and cry about. And that’s where unimportant people and issues get importance.
I choose to not react to celebrity drama and media hypes.
I choose to not click the numerous click baits.
I choose to react to every moron I meet in real life who thinks feminism is a word misused by women for their own good.
I choose to react to every woman who misuses the word.
I choose to react to patriarchal women who judge other women.
I recently overheard a conversation where a school principal was lecturing parents about spending more time with kids in an effort to explain why their school wasn’t organizing summer camps for two hours a day. The argument was that today’s parents need to invest in kids or a kind of new generation will emerge who won’t care for the parents back.
I choose to react to such people because the future of kids is in the hands of such people.
I choose to educate them, that no parent ever on the face of earth should careless enough to not spend quality time with their kids.
Working women are balancing work, home, finances, cooking and million other things but no person has the right to judge and lecture any parent on what their parenting style should be.
And I have only one answer for every person who believes that working women are neglecting their kids and will have their payback when the kids won’t be attached to them.
And the answer is – that every parent should raise independent kids who don’t grow up to be dependent on parents for choosing their shirts for the day. The kid didn’t choose to be born to you, we chose to bring them into the world, so it’s our responsibility to not burden them with the expectations we have of them in regards to our old age. If I am raising my kid right, she will grow up to be a decent human being. That’s all I should expect.
In conclusion, to all working women out there and all homemakers and all parents who are raising kids, choose what you react to and choose your battles carefully.
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Author, Blogger, Mother, Daughter, Wife & Mechanical Engineer
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