8 years of womensweb

What Happened After I Got Rejected In The Arranged Marriage Market

Posted: November 17, 2014

Being rejected in the arranged marriage market is not the end of the world. Here’s an account of living alone, living strong.

Several times, I hear people discussing why girls like me find it difficult to get married. A girl like me – who is twenty-eight, living in a city all by herself, and running her own little business. I have cried at times, (yes, I accept it here) after I went through rejections. After I heard lots of nasty comments directed at me by my so-called relatives, I too broke down. I too did not have the courage to look up and see the mirror. Perhaps I convinced myself that a girl like me is not good enough.

But after six months, I am writing this. I write this now to tell everybody that a girl like me can bounce back and face the world. This is the one life I have got, and I am going to live it. I am not going to hide, nor am I going to escape. I am going to face each one, and would request them to speak to me directly  instead of troubling my parents with the rude and sarcastic comments – that having a feminist daughter who is single at twenty-eight is a curse.

Let me say this to all the well-wishers: being independent, strong-headed, and smart does not mean that I am Anti-Men. It just implies that I too deserve equal opportunity and treatment like men. Simple! Is that a lot?

An abundance of nasty remarks

Why the taunt – wish you were a son? Would we then have been spared the unending insults from society? How many times I was reminded that my dream of getting a Master’s degree is useless, since the fee money for that could be used as dowry! How many times I have been reminded that even if the boy is of my choice, the wedding arrangements and every cost that would be incurred by the bride’s side is not to be equally split between two families!

I still am an unmarried girl with dreams and sky-high hopes. I still convince myself that I will manage. I still smile and start my day. I still go around and work. I still refuse to enter the arranged marriage market. I still laugh when my mother desperately calls only those people who have mentioned “no dowry” on their marriage advertisements.

I still am an unmarried girl with dreams and sky-high hopes. I still convince myself that I will manage.

No, I am not against marriage. I would love to get married, have two babies, and cook exotic dinners for my husband. But I would rather marry the man who could be my partner, who could be the one who does not demand respect but commands respect. I still enjoy karwachauth and teej and all the rituals; not because I am superstitious, but it is just another opportunity for me to rush to the nearest Salon and get a manicure done. Sounds greedy, but then that is how girls like me are. We want more from life and refuse to settle for anything less. So, is this a crime?

Wishing for change

Craving for a perfect life with an imperfect set of relationships is fun at times. Every moment is worth it. I do feel sad that nothing seems to change. Social stigma around unwed girls approaching thirty still remains. Dowry is still practised despite several strict laws and fair is still considered lovely. This is the country I was born in, but then c’est la vie (such is life)! I try to fit in. I remind myself of Steve Jobs’ very famous lines and smile. Perhaps he  (unknowingly) referred to girls like us:

“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

Pic credit: Image of confident woman used for representational purposes only, via Shutterstock.

 

Founder@AngeTactile ( Angel Touch). Tarot Card /Angel Card reader. Image Consultant An Engineer by Education,

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Comments

19 Comments


  1. Loved each word of your article.

    It was like deja vu…Like you read my thoughts and put it into words.

  2. Enjoy your work and keep learning something new. You will meet a man who is just right for you when the time is right. The drawback is : no one can really tell us when… Hang in there girl!

  3. Exactly what is going through my mind..Sailing in the same boat as you….Just have to trust in God and wait patiently 🙂

  4. superb article…you said it all..

  5. Awesome! You nailed it sonal!! This is just me!! Felt as if my thoughts were read!! True that none of us is against marriage! Jus that we are looking for a person who can understand us as a human rather than commanding!
    Hope one day everyone in the society understand that marriage isn’t a solution(for any problem,everyone has only solution that’s marriage) or it isn’t a license/ritual for giving heirs by wives or dowry or responsibility/burden to any family..

  6. So So true..Hats off for putting it into such a lovely article.

  7. Can relate it totally!! Felt as if u spoke my heart out!!

  8. I can relate to this very well. Me and my sister were asked to stop from dreaming to go for enginnering whe we were preparing for entrance as we didn’t have money. It wasn’t from our parents, but the so called relatives. The question my mom faced was if you make your kids engineers where will you find engineer husbands for them, who will give the dowry for them. We told we dont want to get married. Eventually we became engineers and got married to men of our choice and didn’t give a paisa as dowry.
    It is unfair to be treated like that. Life is not about marriage. And married doesn’t mean we have it all. That’s a myth!

  9. Its the same everywhere, happening with every girl who are quoted to be more ambitious….I too went through a very tough situation before my marriage………The only mistake I did with regard to marriage market was I went ahead with my higher studies………Today, even after marriage, I could feel the vibes from the so called relatives………It’s not about getting the perfect partner, its about getting the right partner………still questions hangs…….its not a husband alone we are getting after marriage, but the whole bunch of fresh brand new relatives too…………Its hard………but we are not going to loose the game….go ahead with courage and be brave always……..I wish you find the right person soon……….Hugs 🙂

  10. Proud of u i am 23 and my parents are searching for a partner i have been rejected . This was really connecting to me

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