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I am listening to Miley Cyrus swaying to her latest title “Flowers” and I am fascinated by how I had known so little about the most romantic relationship that I could have had in my life- self-love.
As a child, I was always fascinated by stories that were narrated or the ones that I read. I had read a treasure trove of fairy tales, (Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty etc.) where the knight in shining armour or a prince always came in to save his damsel in distress.
The Internet was not so easily accessible then, and the little written content that was available in the library where I lived, did no justice to the female writers that I was introduced to later in life.
The movies of the time also glorified the heroes who used to be the sun around which all the other characters (be it the heroine, the mother, the brother, the sister, or the friend) revolved.
Circa 2023, I am listening to Miley Cyrus swaying to her latest title “Flowers” and I am fascinated by how I had known so little about the most romantic relationship that I could have had in my life – self-love.
Having been in such a male-centric environment makes one believe in that one “prince charming” who will be the constant in your life, who will make your heart flutter, violins playing, bells ringing et al.
You spend your days waiting for that romance to enter your life and colour it pink, red and all the colours of love. You do find many loves, of many kinds, in that search for the one, and each love leaves you with a different experience, a different insecurity.
Meanwhile, we forget to love the person who loves us the most, no matter what – ourselves.
My memories of Valentine’s Day in school and college passed off like a very, very distant memory, mainly because being part of a very studious and straightforward feminist group totally focused on making a career path, boyfriends and romance were not on our list of priorities at all.
We had discussed this absence of a romantic male partner in our lives, and while we did not really miss the melodrama of the relationship that we saw our friends go through, what we did miss was the showering of affection and the puppy love that came along with that particular age.
Romance entered after completion of my college degree, when I began my journey as a career woman. I soaked in all the attention and adulations that I received from the opposite sex, and it was during this period that my heart felt its share of passionate love and heartbreaks.
Marriage brought an unexpected settlement in my life. It came as an arrangement in my life when societal norms dictated that I’ve had enough freedom to live my life as an unmarried independent, female and, as in most arranged marriages, the probability of finding a compatible partner is so very rare, the moment marriage entered, romance left through the back door.
Then began the eternal cycle of managing work, home and upbringing of the child, which is still going on. The period of the lockdown shocked me to my core, and made me question all the beliefs and values that had been passed down to me in the name of love and relationships.
A series of events made me understand stopping seeking approval from people in the garb of love and showed me my own self-worth.
As quoted by the American spiritual author Gangaji, “The love that you search for everywhere is already present within you. It may be evoked by any number of people or events. But finally, you must realize, you are this love. The source of all love is within you.”
And so it has been that I started loving myself, taking care of myself, prioritizing myself and showering myself with all the love and affection that I deserve, without any of the associated guilt.
I had once read that everyone experiences three kinds of love in their lifetime.
I skipped the first part directly to the second. There were the associated heartbreaks which helped me grow and evolve as a person. It gave me an insight into my strengths and made me more resilient. Now, I await the third kind, the healing unconditional love.
Will I experience it in this lifetime of mine, I do not know, but as my friend once told me, live with hope?
Will I ever find it or am I myself that healing love, I do not know? The moment of enlightenment has not yet struck. But until then, I am cherishing this phase of my life and as Miley aptly puts it in her song “Yeah, I can love me better than you can.”
Until such time, on every 14th of February, I buy myself flowers, and chocolates and wish myself all the love in the world. This year on, to me and all the lovely, wonderful people out there on the path of self-love, “Wish you all a very happy future Solentines day.”
Image source: Sujay_Govindaraja, free and edited on CanvaPro
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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