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I came across a video which left me speechless. In this video, a middle-aged woman was thrashing two people with her slipper, aka the chappal.
Recently I came across a video on Twitter. It left me speechless. In this video, a middle-aged woman was thrashing two people with her slipper, aka the chappal.
A couple of things in this video made me cringe.
A teen girl and a boy were being beaten by the girl’s mother. Their fault – they were celebrating Valentine’s Day. The mother stormed to the terrace. As the boy fled despite being grabbed by the woman, the poor girl was left alone to face her mother’s fury.
The people who recorded this video must have been watching the events from the opposite terrace. The recording was accompanied by their raucous laughter and snide remarks about how the girl “deserved” it.
The Twitter thread was filled with hate comments targeting the girl, love, and love marriage. And there were quite a few who found this entertaining.
“Aunty ji ne beti ke Valentine’s Day plan par paani fer diya!” Aunty ji ruined her daughter’s Valentine’s Day plan!
“Maaja aaya!” Entertaining!
“Idk what is wrong with me, I’m sick or what, but this makes me so fucking happyyyy”
I have no comments on these trolls. They are not worth my time. My concern revolves around the mother and daughter. I understand the mother’s desire to “protect” her daughter, but her approach left me baffled.
I showed the video to my daughters too.
This is a quick summary of our discussion –
I am certain the mother means well and is concerned about her daughter. I do not doubt that at all. But what I am worried about here is her style of parenting and approach.
What is the message being conveyed here?
Will the daughter grow up believing violence is acceptable? Can the mother and daughter ever have complete faith in each other?
Will the daughter be submissive if tomorrow her partner treats her the same way? Will she ever have the confidence to share her worst experiences with her mother?
Being a mother of two teenage daughters, I know how challenging this phase of life is. We want to protect them from all evil, and ensure their safety and happiness at all times. I believe our role is to be facilitators, and not dictators.
I want my children to make mistakes and learn from them.
As parents, we have to have faith in ourselves, in our children, and our parenting. Doubting them or not trusting them weakens this precious relationship.
Talking to our children is essential, but even more important is listening. Listening to what they are saying, what they want to say, and what they might hesitate in sharing with us.
I don’t like the concept of “perfect parents.” I, for one, don’t ever want to be a perfect parent.
Furthermore, I just want to be the parent who lets her child fly and does not clip her wings. I want my girls to fly, fall, get up, and fly again… hoping they never forget that their parents are by their side always, no matter what.
Image Source: Still from Maanmarziyan, edited on CanvaPro
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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