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Why am I single? Have you heard this question too often? Especially in the month of February? Here are my answers to bothersome questions!
When I heard of the Happy Solentine competition, I knew I had a LOT to say. As someone who has never looked for “the right match”, there’s so much I get to hear from my friends and colleagues. I don’t hate the idea of being in love.
In fact, I totally admire happy endings, both in movies and in real life. What keeps me away from relationships is my choice to remain single.
To state it simply, I’m unromantic. Going out on dates, cuddling, or having lengthy conversations don’t fascinate me. We can’t expect everyone to have the same expectations. While some of us love to be in love, some are happy without it.
Staying single is just as normal a decision as being committed. Why is it so difficult for everyone to accept it?
Will be fruitful if I consider giving love a chance? I have seen women sacrifice their dreams and passion just to be “a good partner”. I have come across men who dominate women to establish supremacy. Besides, I know men who crack sexist jokes and think it to be cool, flirt to make women uncomfortable and believe in the problematic concept of ‘modern girlfriend’ and ‘traditional wife’.
What if I fail to find a person devoid of these red flags? I believe it’s better to not begin the search at all.
Loving someone isn’t enough. There must be mutual understanding and division of responsibilities. For someone like me who is still learning to handle her own life and carry herself, a relationship would be nothing but a challenge. I am not ready to bear that burden right now. But will I be ready for it in the future? Only time will tell.
Whenever I scroll through my social media handles during the wedding season, I see my friends saying “Yes” to a “permanent booking”, prepping up for a dreamy Sid-Kiara-like wedding, or starting off their newly wedded life. On the other hand, I’m still trying to put my life together.
People my age are saying cheers to new love stories, while I am consciously staying away from them. But I don’t feel ‘left out’ for being single. In fact, it empowers me and gives me a feeling of independence.
To everyone who tries to act ‘concerned’ by saying, “Oh, you will certainly find someone, “I’ll find a suitable partner for you,” “Just wait for the right time, you’ll find him” and so on, stop right there.
I never complain about being a single woman. I am not desperately finding someone to fall in love with. Furthermore, I know that a man cannot define my worth.
Additionally, I never look at myself as ‘lonely’ without a man. If seeing me enjoy my life all by myself makes you uncomfortable, maybe you should start working on yourself rather than giving you unsolicited advice.
Is it just me or do all single women face illogical questions like,”Why are you still single?”, “Aren’t you interested in men?”, “Won’t you ever get married?”, or “Don’t you want to experience the pleasure of a relationship?”
My loud and clear answer is that I’m more interested in exploring new career options, enrolling in skill development courses, and finding new hobbies. I am not disheartened for choosing to stay away from relationships. There’s much more to life than falling in love.
I am happy for you if you found your soulmate, but you can stop worrying about me. Not everyone is comfortable with the idea of being someone’s ‘better half’. The least you can do is respect their decision.
When I say I am happy being single, people often think I have failed to love myself. In their view, I probably believe that I don’t deserve to be loved. They advise me to first start loving myself and ‘be hopeful’.
Who said that I don’t love myself? I love myself enough to not depend on someone else for it. Yeah, I know that sounds vague, but so does their argument.
Another surprising query that I have faced goes like this, “Okay, so you are not ready for a committed relationship, but won’t you ever try casual dating or hook-ups?” All I have to say to this is that for me, love and intimacy go hand-in-hand. If I am not emotionally connected to a person, there’s no question of spending time with them. If that makes me old-school, then so be it.
Next, they ask me, “What if you get emotionally attached to someone? Would you be ready for a relationship?”
Sigh, I can decide this only after it actually happens.
Everyone isn’t here in the quest for romantic love. Love is just a matter of chance. Some find it soon, some a little later, and some never at all. No matter which category we fall into, none of us deserves to be judged.
However, I believe that we are all social beings and search for affection. It can be in any form. For some of us, our parents’ love is enough. For others, their friends are their world. A few may find a family in their pets. There are also people who look for no one and live happily by themselves. All forms of love are significant. It does not have to be romantic all the time. It just needs to be pure.
Dear single women reading this, love yourself a little more this Feb 14. Remind yourself that you won’t let societal norms make decisions for you. I know it’s easier said than done, but as long as you have yourself by your side, nothing can stop you from winning your battle.
Image Source for Happy #Solentine’s Day Article: Stainsluva, lenta, Rawpixel, via Getty Images, free and edited on CanvaPro
I hold an MA degree in English Literature and I have a flair for writing. I mostly try to focus on issues faced by women on a regular basis and hope that one day the read more...
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