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Abuse starts in the name of love and 'respect', in the name of family honour, in the name of protection, and society expects the women to bend.
Recently I watched 3 movies – The Teacher (Netflix), Jaya Jaya Jaya Jaya Hey (Hotstar), and Gutta Kushti (Netflix). All 3 show women facing everyday patriarchy in different forms from their family, their in-laws, their husband, the society in general and conditioned from childhood to accept abuse as part of their life.
Not just women, even young men are conditioned on how to behave with women and especially post marriage how to treat their wife in order to show their ‘manliness’. There is a lot of pressure and fear instilled in the men too to not let the women up close or show care and love to them, as it can lead to the ‘woman ruling the man’ and that is simply not done.
“What will the society say?” fear is cast on both men and women and hence the abuser and abused find nothing wrong in their behaviour. This is what they see all around them, this is the advise they get from their elders and this is what is expected from them. This is very evident from the number of times the elders blackmail their children by talking about family honour and what will society say.
All these movies portray how abuse starts in the name of love, in the name of respect, in the name of family honour, in the name of protection, and every time the society expects the women to bend and take it in her stride because this is how it is supposed to be. Be it her education, her career, her partner choice, her kids… there are always the MEN in her life who have a right to take the decision as she has no agency over herself by virtue of being a girl. And the Men are expected to take that decision, for if they don’t they are considered weaklings and not MAN enough
What was interesting for me in all the movies is the fact that eventually the women stood up for themselves and did what they had to. In two movies the men understood, while in another he did not. But where the man understood, an elder woman from the family had a big role to play in it. Which means that the onus to change the man and the way he thinks and behaves is also put largely on the woman.
Not debating right or wrong, but maybe if we want to change generations of conditioning and gender inequality, it seems that at this time at least, we as women have to take on the mantel. Start changing the experiences of our brothers, husbands, sons and any other man we come into contact with through conversations and actions.
These movies give me hope that the world is changing, as I believe the movies are a reflection of what is happening in the society and do influence the youth of today. So if Kabir Singh can influence the youth in a particular way, so can these movies. More power to the storytellers to make such powerful stories.
Strong believer in the power of conversations and finding comfort in uncomfortable conversations. Love to encourage both genders to break the chains of patriarchy and come into their own indentity. Also love exploring the space read more...
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If her home and family seem to be impacted by her career then we expect her to prioritize her ‘responsibilities at home as a woman’ and leave her job.
The entrenched patriarchal norms have always perpetuated certain roles and responsibilities as falling specifically in the domain of either men or women. Traditionally, women have been associated with the domestic sphere while men have been considered the bread winner of the household. This division of roles has become so ingrained in our lives that we seldom come to question it. However, while not being questioned does give the system a certain level of legitimacy, it in no way proves its veracity.
This systematic division has resulted in a widely accepted notion whereby the public sphere is demarcated as a men’s zone and the private sphere as belonging to women. Consequently, women are expected to stay at home and manage the household chores while men are supposed to go out and make a living with no interest whatsoever in the running of the household.
This divide is said to be grounded in the intrinsic nature of men and women. Women are believed to be compassionate, affectionate and loving and these supposedly ‘feminine’ qualities make them the right fit for caring roles. Men, on the other hand are allegedly more sturdy, strong and bold and hence, the ones to deal with the ordeals of the outside world.
Investing in women means many things beyond the obvious meaning of this IWD2024 theme, as the many orgs doing stellar work can show us.
What does it mean to invest in women?
Telling the women in our lives how great we think they are? That we value the sacrifices they have made? (Usually though not necessarily only – a sacrifice of their aspirations, careers and earning potential in order to focus on family).
No, thank you. Just talk is no longer going to cut it. Roses and compliments are great, but it’s time people, leaders, organizations put their money, capital, resources on track instead.
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