Can Suspicion Of A Spouse’s Extramarital Affair Be Your License To Kill?!

If we have to stop crime against women - whether girl infant, girl students, teen girls, married women, working women, whoever - then we have to stop saying “She invited it, she asked for it”.

Often I avoid reading the news, but then my curiosity about what is happening around us gets better. Yesterday the headlines read, ‘Bengaluru man kills wife after years of abuse, cops focus on ‘suspicion of the affair’. A case for “she asked for it”?

Whenever a wife is beaten, abused, divorced, or murdered; the first question many ask is, “Did she invite it? Was it because of her extramarital affair?”

In the case of Nancy, her in-laws were in support of her and the news mentions that they say even though their son doubted the DIL, it was baseless. She took care of the children, their home, and also the in-laws despite the abuse she suffered at the hands of her husband for years. Yet the police tend to ignore her in-laws, and her parents and ask around to find a motive for the husband to kill his wife.

Why? Can’t he be a drug abuser, alcoholic, or a person with a psychological disorder who murdered an innocent woman? Why does society usually want to justify any violence against women as her fault?

When men feel sexual assault of a woman is ‘because she asked for it’

A couple of years ago, when girls were groped and molested in mass during a new year party on MG road, Karnataka’s Home Minister G Parameshwara was quick to blame westernised clothing and behaviour of young people. ‘They try to copy westerners not only in mindset, but even the dressing … some girls are harassed, these kinds of things do happen,’ he said.

Nirbhaya’s incident shook the nation, asking for more strict laws to protect half the population of this nation. Yet the BBC interview of one of the accused – Mukesh Singh was more brutal than the rape itself.

He questioned, “Why there is so much fuss being made about this rape?”. And that question itself shows how our society has indoctrinated the minds of men – normalising rape.

He further went on to say, “A decent girl won’t roam around at nine o’clock at night. A girl is far more responsible for rape than a boy,”. He further had advice for women not to fight back but to ‘allow rape’ so that they don’t harm or hit her.

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Not many even understand what women go through when their bodies are being invaded by people. Or maybe they do, but don’t care!

Case of the cops looking for “her fault”?

Unfortunately, we keep looking for the invitation by the girl infant, girl students, teen girls, married women, and working women for whatever crime happens to them. It is the fault of the time they were out, the way they dressed, the place they were present, the work they did, and many more. “She asked for it!”

While speaking of the recent case, Brinda Adige, a women and child rights activist with Global Concerns India has said, “Domestic violence is not seen as a crime but an issue to counsel the women to adjust and the man is told to be more charitable to the wife. Police have more often focused both the FIR and charge sheet with the prejudiced angle of extra-marital affair (as stated by the alleged accused); instead of investigating the actual facts of domestic violence or/and dowry harassment.”

We all know how baseless this is, but yet society loves to hold on to it.

A man having an extramarital affair is defended saying he may have been pushed into the arms of another woman by his negligent wife. But, the same situation revered by gender – an extramarital affair by a wife will invite wrath and they go for the throat. It becomes a license to kill. Even when this  ‘extramarital affair’ may not exist!

If we have to stop crime against women then we have to stop saying “She invited it, she asked for it”.

Image source: pepifoto from Getty Images Signature Free for Canva Pro

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About the Author

Farida Rizwan

I am Farida Rizwan, 55, Counselor and Psychotherapist working as Senior Curriculum Developer with Chimple Learning. I am ardent blogger and share my life experiences of surviving breast cancer 3rd stage for read more...

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