My Parents Never Loved Me For Myself And Now They Want To Marry Me Off?!

Neglected and bullied in childhood, and now being pressurised to get married as a grown woman, the pain of it all can become too much to take.

Why was I told I couldn’t participate in school shows, when my siblings were allowed?

Why was I told I couldn’t learn to play sports, when upon my siblings it was showered?

Why couldn’t I go out to learn guitar and piano and all my instruments were handed to my brother and sister?

Why was I told only to study and study, when my siblings were doing everything, wasn’t it a little too sinister?

Why must I suffer and suffer in silence, when all my siblings did was enjoy?

Do you know how much my mental health got affected and all you did was be coy?

When I was harassed by a doctor I was told to be silent, when a doctor simply raised his voice to my sister you got all violent…

I was told I could achieve nothing in life, and was scolded for my marks, during the time of my siblings’ boards there was nothing but silence.

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Many of my friends have asked me if I was adopted? First, how does that even matter? And no, I resemble my parents a lot, I am just not their favourite!

For my mother loves my sister more, and father my brother, and I am searching for a person to handle me when I am weaker…

Oh if it were that easy I wouldn’t be blabbering like a child at 27, the broken pieces I am made of is breaking even further, that’s a fact rather written!

This continued for decades and now they want me to get married according to them? Neither accepting they did anything wrong nor repenting, but blaming me for I don’t know what but their phlegm?

Yearning for silence and peace I am going further towards the edge, even though they are silent as of now, even talk of marriage pushes me off the ledge –

For they don’t want me to be happy and that’s a fact, they don’t love me and that’s the truth, they don’t trust me is their norm, I don’t trust them anymore and I am firm!

The anger grows everyday as I stay in my house, the things I once loved are reminders of what I was,

The reminders trigger the worst of memories and I can’t take it anymore, I get more and more depressed and angry and get pushed along the shore.

The little support and love I got is taking me for granted, being good is a curse and so is love and being enchanted…

Unconditional love is simply a myth, though it’s true for many I know, at least they got some love from their parents, which I yearn for no longer any more!

‘Home’ is like a jail for me, so is the thought of getting married, yet no one seems to understand this and says I am the one getting carried away…

I don’t know for how long I can handle this, I hope I don’t die, I don’t know if I am “alive” or not, I cannot even properly lie –

I did everything I could, be everything I would, yet love and peace is far away, “if you succeed everyone shall love you” but what if failure is your only way?

Why am I not loved when I fail? Why was I not cherished even when I won? Why was I challenged by my parents to never succeed? What could I have possibly done to deserve this deed?

Why? Why? Why? Why?

Image source: shutterstock

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Dr Arushi

Often the test of courage is not to die but to live.. read more...

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