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Being rude or even cruel just because we are a family is a strangely accepted norm. These are the roots of emotional violence.
Science claims that if you talk cruelly to a plant continuously, it will wither. On the other hand if you expose a plant to love and music it will blossom. Words are powerful.
When words have the power to affect a plant so much, can you imagine how much power they hold over emotionally sensitive hearts of humans? Humankind as a race has always sought to be loved and cherished. But how loving are we towards our loved ones, towards our dependents or towards someone who bares their emotions to us?
Being impolite, rude or simply cruel just because we are a family is a strangely accepted norm. It’s these unchecked behaviours, when tolerated, that transform into violence, domestic or otherwise.
Since a very young age, I have observed that people are very polite to strangers, bosses, and acquaintances. But we do not adhere to civility when we are with our loved ones. The closer you are, the more freedom one has to talk to you the way they want.
How many times have you raised your voice, accused or blamed your loved one while trying to make a point, irrespective of what the other person is feeling? We all consider such behaviour normal, but it is not.
This kind of behaviour is emotionally draining, not only to a relationship but also to the person who goes through all the abuse irrespective of whether it’s their fault or not. I have seen first hand, how emotionally abusive behaviour can change a bubbly person to a scared and withered human.
A sibling who belittles, a parent who never appreciates, a friend who judges, these things can destroy souls. Why would anyone want to do that to their loved ones? More importantly why would anyone feel that they must bear these repeated assaults to keep the relationship going? Love does not require one to wither. There is no in between. The presence of love should only make you blossom and thrive.
There are people who do not understand that their behaviour can hurt others. While there are others who do not realise that their careless words have been affecting their relationship, one word at a time. If you find yourself in such a relationship, it is important that you reason out. If the behaviour prevails, it is necessary that you distance yourself completely to save your soul.
Trust me, ten years down the line, you won’t worry about how well you have sacrificed to keep a relationship going. You would rather thank yourself that you walked away from something that was pulling you down.
My friend spent half her life with her cousin who was always sarcastic and belittling only to realise that she cannot take it anymore. She realised that her cousin’s behaviour kept her wings clipped, messed with her emotions and dimmed her confidence. Distancing herself from her cousin revealed the glorious person that had been hiding under the self doubt.
It is possible that you might be in an emotionally abusive relationship where you cannot just leave everything and walk away. But you can at least distance yourself from the toxicity. Figure a way out, but do everything to keep the happiness of your soul alive. No one has the right to emotionally shatter you. You deserve to be happy just because you are you.
Picture Credits: Still from movie ‘Kabir Singh’
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