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Marriage is a partnership between two responsible individuals, and respect is essential. But these men who came to ‘see’ me had no such thoughts in their mind.
The conversations of past are the reason to laugh today. I have become wiser over time so that today I have the strength to laugh at those conversations which had always boiled my blood for many years, and had pushed me to ponder about whose fault it actually was.
The one thing that totally fits this description is – the compulsory conversations for those traditional ‘matrimonial meetings’ for an arranged marriage, which I’m sure 90% of the Indian girls must have experienced. These are very tasteless, sexist, even discourteous meetings and conversations, which are still accepted in our society without questioning the audacity with which they are held.
What really rankle are some one-liners that are delivered absolutely shamelessly by the prospective grooms or their family members. I wonder – are these statements and opinions the fault of these men, or is it something else?
Here’s a taste of my experiences that made me averse to such meetings. I confess, I lacked courage at the time to speak up, and was tolerant of utter nonsense without reacting, but I bet that if I get to hear these again, it may turn out to be a disaster for that man.
~~ “Don’t expect much from me. I might be 35 years old but inside I am grumpy old man who is 60 years old who just needs a clean pillow and a clean bed in my life. I am that simple.”
~~ “See I am very clear about relationships. For me; girl’s parents are like guests. If they ever visit our house, they should leave the same day after having met their daughter. The interactions should be limited to this extent only.”
~~ “How much of saving have you done till now? To be honest with you actually I had invested all my savings in my new business and I want you to use your savings for all household expenses once you come to my family. So I also want you to continue your work as usual because I want my wife to be a working woman.”
~~ “You are saying that you will have to at times work after office hours, specially at month end? So who do you think will prepare food for my old parents?”
~~ “How do you think you will add spice to our married life after we come back from work?”
~~ “I don’t I don’t like socializing. When I come back from office, I sit with my Mom and watch the daily soaps she is watching. This is my way of passing my time. We are very private people.”
~~ “You know I have a very high demand in the market. Girls’ parents run after me and pursue me for their daughters and that gives me a kick!” With a shameless smile and a wink.
~~ “Okay so I want you think about our meeting and let me know how we can take it forward. Then, if you don’t mind, please get your blood tested once and share the reports with me. You know what I mean. Little precautions I want to take. I hope you understand.”
~~ “Does anyone in your family have a medical history? See, to be honest I want a healthy partner and a healthy family from girl’s side because my mother is a diabetic patient and my father had recently suffered a paralytic attack.”
~~ “Ok so tell me what do you do step by step once you go out of your house for work? Step by step means step by step.”
~~ “Today at this juncture of my life I have everything I want. I have my own room, my projector, and I can watch any movie in my room anytime after I come back from office and on the weekends.”
~~ “Since you handle a very large team, you must be interacting with so many male employees also? Do you socialize with men or do you have male friends also?”
Did you feel something brewing inside you after you read these creative and revered statements?
Let me tell you that these boys were highly educated, sophisticated and shown to be from a ‘cultured’ family which is totally contradictory to what they spoke. And I haven’t even added the body language they displayed, which had always pissed me off, and made my parents feel uncomfortable.
The questions will never end and they should not end also till the time this situation improves.
In my opinion the boys who have grown up into such annoying creatures are all a product of a careless and poor parenting styles, where the parents have not taken any responsibility to build a character but have engaged in just building a gender.
I must say the girls should catch these small nuances as red flags from such conversations and meetings, because marriage is not just a formality but it’s a responsibility. Today as I write this, I realize my upbringing has been so strong that I patiently experienced these meetings without wasting my energy in arguing with these toxic men. Rather, I conserved my energy and patience to understand clearly the subtext of what they were saying.
Marriage is a partnership between two responsible persons. I would expect respect as the first thing that should be in this relationship. Best not to fall for such people who only can make your life hell with their arrogance and distorted belief systems.
Image source: a still from the web series Indian Matchmaking
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