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5 Regressive, Hurtful Things Young Women Like Me In The Marriage Market Always Hear

This is a strange but a very real statement which a girl gets to hear if she doesn’t have a brother or any other male member in the family! And then there are more!

What is marriage?

Britannica says, marriage is a legally and socially sanctioned union, usually between a man and a woman, that is regulated by laws, rules, customs, beliefs, and attitudes that prescribe the rights and duties of the partners and accords status to their offspring (if any).

A very processed definition that rightly explains the arrangements this institution carries. But there is a spiritual and beautiful side of this relationship that very few understand.

However, the dealing in executing and finalizing this relationship undergoes so many processes which have always been twisted and moulded as per the convenience of the society, especially for men.

Through this writeup, I am not intending to define marriage or bring out some repulsive practices which are still continued. I am trying to point out a few problematic statements that girls get to hear. Statements which were never questioned, and why a girl has to hear and absorb them without questioning.

Some statement which I am sure girls out there would nod their heads to. We’ve heard them but our conditioning is such that no one ever questioned them.

Apki beti ko to maang ke le jayenge!

(We will take your daughter on demand, because we want her!)

Maang ke le jayenge? Sorry! Is she some kind of commodity who would just walk with you just because you demanded her? Did anyone ask her if she is willing to be available on-demand?

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She too has the right of looking out for a partner she thinks is fit for her.

Ab kamati nahin hai isliye ab koi bhi chalega

(Now she does not earn, so anyone will do!)

This statement often comes from those aunties, who are self-proclaimed angels, who have come on this earth to do the holy job of match-making.

They would try to match the salaries of the girl and the boy first and then other parameters and would decline the proposal on their own if the boy is earning a little less.

The moment the girl leaves her job for whatever reason, that aunty would flood your matrimonial bucket with so many proposals. Sometimes, even she willl be clueless about the boy’s income.

The criteria is if the girl is not working and earning, she is eligible for any boy, irrespective of what he earns. Period!!

Is it fair?

Beta kuch to kami hogi na jo kam salary wale ko haan kahi hai apne

(You said ‘yes’ to someone with lesser salary than yours? What are you ‘hiding’?) 

A girl has to earn lesser than the boy! That is the rule to follow.

Just in case a family finds a suitable boy and he earns lesser than the girl, it will be “no” from the boy’s side, with a justification that there must be some problem with the girl. Why is she is ready to marry a boy with a lower salary?

Why can’t they understand that this means that the girl’s family is progressive and does not believe in stereotyping the boy?

Height thodi jyada hoti aur sharir thoda halka hota to mein hi le jaati apne ladke ke liye!

If only she was a little taller and ‘lighter’, I would have considered her for my son!

This is one of the most commonly used body-shaming comments a girl gets to hear.

These statements are so common and are taken very lightly within the families. It feels like the family has given up on their daughter.

Should these really be the ‘failure’ signals for their daughter whom they want to get married?

Bhai nahin hai? Shaadi ke baad kaun seva karega jije ki?

No brother? Now who will serve the brother-in-law?

This is a strange but a very real statement which a girl gets to hear if she doesn’t have a brother or any other male member in the family!

The agenda of getting their sons married is to get served (seva) through the brother or the father of the girl.  After all, a son-in-law is nothing less than a God!

He is supposedly the only one who needs proper care when he visits the girl’s house.  Just in case the girl doesn’t have a brother, she is rejected.

What a vision!!

Aren’t these statements hurtful to the core?

Why is a girl considered to be a commodity who is picked up like a vegetable, looked at from all sides and ‘put back’ for so many lame reasons?

Why is this beautiful institution made so mechanical and insensitive that the roots start getting decayed from the very first day of alliance?

Why respecting each other is not made one essential element for initiating the alliance, to ensure the roots are strong and the relationship flourishes into a beautiful wholesome tree?

It’s time to respect and understand self-worth. Society will change when we change.

Marriage has to be a respectful alliance. It has to be called a partnership- where the stakes are 50:50. Nothing less and nothing more.

What say?

Image credit: Still from short film Dark Skin/Content ka Keeda via YouTube

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About the Author

Ruchi

Ruchi is a new person who has dared to break all walls of monotony in life, a dreamer, a learner and likes to derive inspiration in all situations she is into. Recently plunged into a read more...

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