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As long as it doesn’t affect your life, what I do with my life shouldn’t concern you. You simply have no right to interfere in my life.
Is it wrong to be ambitious? And is it wrong to think of marriage after 30? Is it wrong to want an intimate wedding? Or is it wrong to wait till 35 to have kids or not to have kids at all? Why do young girls rely on people to choose everything for them? Will they be happy if you let them choose?
Being a doctor, the most important accomplishment that some people thought I could have was to have a doctor husband. When I said I didn’t want to marry a doctor, it baffled people. They asked me, ‘Why did you even get a degree then?’
Talking to my friends isn’t easy these days either. All they want to talk about is marriage and how good arranged marriage can be. They keep going on and on about how good big fat weddings are how many people are there to bless you. While I do agree that some people are there to bless you, most people are there only to see how you failed at throwing the wedding or how bad the food was.
One of my friend’s sister wore a saree to their grandmother’s birthday because she wanted her to. To some, it may seem normal, however, her grandmother with her patriarchal mindset had begun to pester her to wear a saree since she was old enough. This girl was only 20 years old! However, she still did it in order to make her grandmother happy.
Young people, especially women, are taught from the very beginning to get the approval of everyone around us. From the very start when we try new hobbies, we need to win trophies and show them to people to celebrate them. When we score good marks on our board exams, it should indeed be the best. And when we get married it should be an arranged marriage. Finally, when we have kids, they should be boys and so on.
What puzzles me most is that why do young girls who leave their lives and surnames curse the ones who don’t? When I don’t have issues with you making your life decisions, why should my decisions affect your life? Unless, of course, my decisions affect your life, which they don’t.
If a person wants to work out of their city, they should be left alone. A person wearing skirts or shorts should also be left alone. If a person is out and roaming with their boyfriend/girlfriend, they should be left alone. In short, what I do with my life shouldn’t concern you. You simply have no right to interfere in my life.
At the same time, if a person chooses to marry early, that is okay. If they have kids early or late, it is okay. And if they choose to change their surname it is also okay! No one other than that person should be consulted about these things. Also, you really have no right to judge people who choose not to have the same beliefs as you do.
However, in our society, what we often end up doing is look at our surroundings and at what people are doing and make decisions on that. Even for intimate and personal matters, like career decisions and marriages, we consult our parents, uncles, aunts and so many others.
A lot of us often fail to form personalities of our own at times. We curse other people for having the time of their lives without thinking of the possibility that looks may be deceiving. Moreover, we don’t even question our own selves when we judge people instead of actually looking into ourselves. We need to ask ourselves – ‘Why do I need that person’s approval for my personal decisions?’
Living for your own self and taking your own decisions is very different from being selfish or self-centred. It does not mean that you don’t love your parents, friends and relatives. At the same time, it doesn’t mean that you have gone out of hand or think ulta seedha (topsy-turvy)!
A simple decision may affect people and their beliefs. You deciding to eat non-vegetarian food might affect your family. Or your decision to wear black at a wedding may invite ridicule. Your decision to stop eating non-vegetarian food might affect people. And your decision to pierce your nose might also affect people.
However, the most important thing is to make decisions for yourself and take responsibility for them. It is much better than someone else taking the responsibility or you doing things to make others happy.
What we need to realise is that even when you do things to gain approval, it might never really make the other person truly happy. And neither will it keep you satisfied. It is better to be happy and live on your own terms, rather than waking up, surviving and repeating!
Picture credits: Still from Whisper’s Sit Improper campaign on YouTube
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