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Before you get married to someone, go through this list to make sure you know what you’re in for and to understand what it is all about!
I was having a conversation with someone and she told me about a relative whose marriage was fixed. She told me how this girl has some problem and that she was lucky to have sound someone. And after all this, she tells me, ‘Girls are so demanding these days!’
When she said that, my blood started boiling. Now it has been a long while since I spoke about marriages and especially the arranged marriage market. Why is it okay to talk about women like they are cattle up for an auction in a market? And why do our parents still want us to project us as the perfect girl? In case she raises her voice against the injustice, she is labelled as a ‘very demanding girl.’
I’ve had my own share of meeting the groom before I married the love of my life. And every time, it was the same routine – meet the guy, dress conservatively, don’t let your mouth run (read: don’t open your mouth), smile and try to impress.
Though this was a while ago, millennials who grew up with the internet are a different generation now. I thought things aren’t the same as they were earlier, they are finally moving towards equality.
But, God, was I wrong! Turns out the Indian marriage market still has a long way to go before we consider women as equals (or even humans) in a marriage. But here’s where it all goes wrong. The girl has no idea about any of the terms and conditions when she’s getting married and once she’s married, the truth hits her!
She thinks she’s going to step into the life of her dreams (thanks to all the romantic movies). But the truth is something completely different, the groom and his family now think that they have a maid or a property that they can control.
So this is for all you girls who are unmarried or are looking to get married. Before you think of marrying a guy, go through this list to make sure you know what you’re in for and if you’re at least on the same page.
Before you get married, find who you are, what you want from life and how you want to live life. If you get married while you’re still figuring it out, you might end up living someone else’s dreams and life.
While looking for a partner, be very clear on what you’re looking for (partner being the keyword). However, it doesn’t mean you wait for someone who will tick all of your boxes – big and small. Find someone who makes you happy and doesn’t ask you to compromise yourself and your core values. As for the rest, the two of you can learn to manage and adjust.
To make a marriage work, you need not be a perfect, good-looking couple. You need to be a couple who respects and loves each other enough to see past each other’s imperfections. And you need to be willing to work on whatever life throws at you, together. I’ve rarely seen this happening in the cases of arranged marriages.
The guy often ducks down and the responsibility to take care of everything falls on the woman. Basically it is a cart running only on one single wheel. So marry someone who is empathetic, who isn’t afraid to do the work and someone who doesn’t look down upon people.
None of us is perfect, so stop expecting your partner to be perfect! Instead, choose someone who is willing to learn and to enjoy life with you, no matter what. Do not enter a marriage with the thought that you will change the person. If you expect your partner to accept you as you are, you need to do the same.
Learn where to draw the line and where you can compromise and let go. Don’t make a fuss about every single thing but don’t give up on things that are important to you.
Marriage is a beautiful journey if it is between two people who understand and accept each other for who they are and are equal partners in the journey. However, our society is still a long way from catching up to this. And for it to happen, we all need to put in our collective efforts and start talking about marriage for what it is and have realistic expectations from it.
Picture credits: Still from Bollywood movie Shaadi Mein Zaroor Aana
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