In India almost every girl suffers the loss of her dreams, and even more after marriage – it’s the ‘normal’. Can’t we support her instead?
In India, daughters have been always looked down upon, and many are not even allowed to be born. Among the ones that survive, a lucky few are given a home where they are loved and cherished.
Our protagonist was born in just such a family. her parents loved her and her siblings. They worked hard to ensure that their children got a good education and learned morals and lived a decent life.
But like every other parent they also had to get her married, and then started the problem.
Marriage at the right age more important than marrying the right man.
Everyone wanted a milk-white bride and lots of dowry. This was against the girl’s morals but after rejecting many guys her parents picked one groom from among those they met. He was possibly the best of the horrible lot. Her parents loved her but also wanted her married, they thought that marriage at the right age was more important than marrying the right man and that was mistake number 1.
What would the society say?
The girl protested but what choice did she have? She gave in. And that was mistake number 2. She should have said no, she should have fought back, maybe even ran away, but what would the society say? She gave in and the marriage was done.
She did not protest against expectations of doing a job and all the housework.
The initial months were okay, but then the problems started. His family was of the old mindset that they had borrowed from 14th century.
She should do all household chores while his family including married sisters, sat and enjoyed. She should do a job as well to supplement the family income, while they all got to enjoy the luxury of spending it. She shouldn’t pursue any hobby that did not yield money.
Slowly she started sinking into depression. She never fought back, that was mistake number 3.
She was pushed around, and stayed quiet.
Days passed into months and they did not allow her to see her family, if her parents or siblings visited, they were insulted and sent back. While her married sister-in-laws continued to stay without any shame or insults in their mother’s home. She stayed quiet, that was mistake number 4.
She couldn’t share much during therapy.
Time went on and she cried, her husband was a spineless jerk who couldn’t take a stand for anyone. His mother took most of their salary and gave them nothing. A once happy girl was slowly but steadily slipping into depression. Finding no support from anyone, she turned towards counselling but she couldn’t share everything, that was mistake number 5.
Locked in the home with her abusers during lockdown, she tolerated it all.
Then came corona, she was locked in a house with her devils and no where to run to. She lived with it, kept bearing whatever came her way. Her husband lost her job and so the family lived on her income, but still treated her like garbage and there was no help or decrease in the demands of her in-laws. She still stayed quiet, that was mistake number 6.
They began to leech off her.
Unable to bear the expenses, her jewelry was taken away, while her sister-in-laws and mother-in-law got new ones made. Then went the car, soon they would loose their house, still she stayed quiet, her husband simply turned a bind eye to everything. That was mistake number 7.
Husband sided with the family.
She had to take a decision and so she did, she told them clearly that they would not get any part of their salary anymore, her husband sided with his family and so she decided to leave, but where would she go, scared of the societal norms she stayed back and that was mistake number 8.
Today she sits crying, they lost their home unable to pay the instalments, her sisters-in-law took off to their husbands’ homes as soon as they realized what was happening.
The mother-in-law now realized the result of her doing, as her son now had no job and they had no home. The girl’s family took them in but for how long would they survive.
Today she sits and wishes – only if she had tried harder! Her husband is realizing his mistake and searching for a job at any salary. Her mother-in-law is regretting everything, but what can be done now?
Ladies and gentlemen, in India almost every girl suffers with this, there is no support. I just ask the parents of girls, please don’t force your daughters for marriage, because the society won’t come to your or her help when she needs it and in many cases even you might not be able to do anything.
And to families who bring daughters-in-law home, she is also a part of your family, treat her well. She is not some doll you can mold according to your wish. She has lived in a different family with different ideologies, rather than forcing your will on her find common ground.
Everyone deserves happiness, be the reason for someone’s happiness and if you can’t at least don’t cause unhappiness.
Image source: a still from KKHH
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