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I Have Lost Myself In My Marriage But I Am Staying Only Because I Love My Husband

Posted: December 2, 2020

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For the past four years of my marriage, my life has only been hell. I am nothing more than a maid to him and his family. Should I just leave?

I have been living in hell for too long and now I am seeking some help. Holy matrimony turned out to be the reason for my sadness and the upheavals in my life. Though it started strong, over time we realised how different and stubborn we both were.

I was stubborn about not giving up my job. He was stubborn about sticking with his family – his mother and his sisters. While his sisters stayed at their maternal house after marriage, I wasn’t even allowed to visit my family. My husband has no option but to listen to his sisters since they are older than him. They live with us, but their husbands visit us occasionally.

So, I compromised. I kept accepting all the idiotic rules of his wayward, ignorant but ‘socially-forward’ family. And I kept slipping into depression. Three years after my marriage, I lost my voice and as one more year, today, I am a soulless person without any feelings.

I am not dependent on them but I love him

His mother and sisters fill his mind with all kinds of nonsense and during the lockdown, he lost his job, making him even more dependent on them. I am nothing more than a maid to him but I am still here. And I don’t think I am dependent on him. I have a decent job and I am financially stable. 

He and his family did try to snatch away my salary and while they got away with almost 70 percent of it, whatever I have is enough to survive on my own. But the problem is that I love him and I don’t want to leave him.

If I do leave, I don’t want to go to my parents’ house and my husband would never support me if I asked to stay separately. His sisters stay here and make my life a living hell and I don’t want to live with them. I want to live somewhere in peace.

My MIL and SILs wake up yelling and go to bed shouting. It is all so bad that our neighbours avoid looking at us, let alone talking! All these women are well-educated but they curse worse than a pirate does and though I’ve heard it multiple times in the past four years, it still hurts just the same.

None of them ever help me

When I underwent counselling, my husband didn’t want to join me because apparently, it was my problem and I must deal with it. Since the lockdown has begun, my situation has only worsened. Before this, I could escape to the office during the day. But now, I am home all day, and apparently available so they treat me like their personal maid. As soon as the maid left, I got all the chores but no help and lots of taunts. Well, what do you expect? All these people can do is find faults.

My depression is only worsening and counselling isn’t helping me. I have started shutting myself up. I do not want to approach anyone. My parents have enough on their plates to deal with. And honestly speaking, I don’t feel like sharing any of this with them. I tried to talk to my husband but my MIL and SILs have instigated him against me and it’s no use talking to him. All I am supposed to do is do my work and then stay quietly in my room. In fact, I often wonder, why even stay?

I tried explaining to my husband that I am getting exhausted of handling both the household chores and my office work. Till last month, I barely go three or four hours of sleep, a night. There have been days when I worked till 6:30 am, finished my household chores and got back to work. No one cared about it. They all just want their food to be served on time, the house to be cleaned and the clothes to be washed.

I kept hoping this would get better, but now I know it won’t. Despite all this, I am still staying. So. I need to know from you, what are my options?

Picture credits: Still from Hindi TV series Tere Sheher Mein

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