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Right from the food I eat to the people I talk to, my life has changed drastically since I got married. And most of it, not for good…
Before getting married, every girl thinks of having a loving and a caring relationship. We’ve all, at least, once thought of the guy we would be spending the rest of our lives with, and so did I.
So, once my parents decided that it was time for me to get married, I didn’t fight much and they found me a guy. I spoke to him a few times and four years later, here we are. So what happened in the last four years and what has changed?
I love spicy food, especially chicken. But my husband is a vegetarian and while he doesn’t mind me eating non-veg, I can’t do so in his house.
They have a very specific ritual I need to follow after eating non-vegetarian food. So I simply avoid eating it while I am here. Now it has been a year since I had my favourite omelette. Though no one stops me from eating it, the circumstances don’t let me.
Among all my siblings, I was the only one who didn’t stay in a hostel for college. Even when my dad got transferred, he went there alone and mom stayed with me because I couldn’t eat hostel food. They were right, because four year later, when I had to shift to a new city for my job, I lost 7kgs in three months!
Though, I get homemade food here, I am the only one who cooks. And during COVID-19 times, it has become really hectic. So when I stopped cooking, I hoped either my MIL or SILs will cook. But no one does, so we just stopped eating lunch.
I lost contact with all my friends after I took a transfer to a new city after I got married and here, I have no friends. With time, I got busy establishing new relationships at home and I lost all the people I was close to. Everyone just drifted apart.
Even at the new job, I barely had time to make new friends, it was all purely professional as I never had any time outside work. And at home, I can’t interact with any of our neighbours. My husband’s family beliefs that it is not how the ideal daughter-in-law behaves.
I’ve always been close to my parents, especially my dad. When I was in college, I’d stay with my mom but every morning and evening when I travelled to and from college, I’d call him and talk about my day. Today, it has been more than a week since I spoke to someone from my family.
Before I got married, I was a very talkative person. From someone who talked a lot to someone who barely speaks now, a lot changed. But mostly because there is no one to and nothing to talk about.
Growing up, my grand-mother would often tell my mom that she was spoiling us by not teaching us the household chores. But my mom always told her that none of us showed any interest in the kitchen. Well, my brother did, at times. But that was just to make maggi.
Now, after moving abroad, I had to learn to cook and now, four years later, I am able to cook a meal for five adults, from scratch in less than an hour. Multi-tasking to me, is now second nature. And I am not very proud of it.
Every time I went to a new city, I’d explore the place. Just walk around, try the local food but it has been over three years that we moved here and I haven’t seen a thing. I live with my in-laws and people talk if I go out. Plus, my husband is someone who enjoys staying at home and chilling so, even I have to do that.
Since I stayed away from home and had nothing better to do, I was a workaholic. And before I was 25, I got an early promotion and was abroad, achieving my dreams of travelling the world.
Then I got married and four years later, I am still here – in the same position. I nearly destroyed my own career because I still haven’t found the perfect work-life balance.
The COVID-19 pandemic has just made things worse. Earlier, travelling to work and the office gave me some sense of freedom. I’d begun to feel at home there, but now, with work from home, I feel like someone snatched my home away from me.
In the past few years, I did realise that I am not the only who is going through all this. In fact, my family members are better than those of many others around me. I am not saying good things haven’t come out of this, but I just want to sit and write this down as it pops in my head.
Picture credits: Still from Hindi TV series Shakti – Astitva Ek Ehsaas Ki
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