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Marriages aren’t always made in heaven, some make your life hell. Mine is one such marriage. Read this before you get married!
Marriage in India is defined as a union of two families, but is that really what it is? A girl leaves her family, friends life and basically everything only to enter the new family and be treated like trash.
The daughter-in-law has no one, no family, no one to take care of her, no one to think of her. She is, basically, alone. Parents who don’t love their daughters are disgusting and it is believed that they marry their daughters off just to get rid of them. But what about parents who love their daughters and raise them as strong humans! Why do they too do the same when it comes to marriage?
Is it really important for every girl to get married? Why is the Indian society still so narrow-minded? I saw a lot of my friends and family getting married and suffering. Some of them had abusive husbands or interfering in-laws. A few were harassed for dowry and other suffered because they wanted to work. And a few others were tortured because they were raised to be strong women. Every marriage has issues but shouldn’t it be limited to the couple, without including the family?
I got married four years ago and lost myself completely in these four years. Today, I want to talk about it and warn the others to please think at least a 100 times before you take the dive. It is a terrible journey with an unhappy ending, there was never a happily ever after and there never will be.
Things started as soon as the parents start discussing marriage. My parents, who always asked me what I wanted to wear, fixed the wedding without confirming with me. The reason? That he was a good, well-settled guy and I will be happy. Well, I am still awaiting that happy. I had my work-permit and a good job opportunity but they thought it was the right age to be married and that was the first blow.
Within two months, my parents wrapped me up and sent me here, with a simple sentence, ‘We will always be there.’ But you know what, even though they were there, they couldn’t do anything. After my marriage, I realised that I am my husband and his family’s property. No one here really cares what I think.
My husband and his whole family sleep through the day. But as the daughter-in-law, I am expected to wake up early sweep and clean everything before they wake up. Why, you ask? Because it is my duty. And let me tell you, my married SIL has also been living with us more than three years of the four years of her married life.
I cannot buy anything with my own salary without their permission. Apparently because their daughter-in-law has to be presented in a specific manner in front of the so-called cheap society. And I who has handled my own finances for last eight years cannot do it.
My clothes, jewellery, shoes, and basically everything is decided by them, I cannot even go to office in my choice of clothes. I am not allowed to talk to anyone, except in office or on the phone. It has been a long time since I sat down and talked my heart out. And I believe, as a girl that is very important.
I am not allowed to cry, they can hurt me as much as they want but I am not allowed to cry. Simply because this is their house and my tears will bring destruction for them or so they say.
I am not allowed to pursue any hobbies or interests except cooking/stitching and all that rubbish because they think, that is what I am fit for.
If I get fever of a headache they all simply say that I am acting up or lying so that I don’t need to do the chores. And let me tell you sweeping, cleaning the kitchen, preparing breakfast, dinner, washing all utensils, clothes all these are my responsibilities.
You must be thinking at least I don’t have to prepare lunch, but because I don’t cook lunch, no one else does it. So basically everyone gets food only if I cook, there are my MIL and two SILs but they won’t cook.
My husband who was supposed to be my pillar of strength is a spineless bastard who just listens to his mother and sisters. I am nothing more than a servant to them, in fact the house-help we had got more respect than I do.
They take away most of my salary and I am not allowed to have any savings without informing them.
Sometimes I curse my parents for doing this to me. I am not saying all marriages are the same, but most of them are! So, please don’t be fooled. Before you decide to get married to someone, make sure you know everything about the guy and his family. Talk to their neighbours, and if need be, even hire a private investigator!
Parents, please don’t send your girls off because later on, when she’s married, you can do nothing but watch from the sidelines. And you might even curse yourself every day for doing that to your daughter.
I know you’d wonder why I am not leaving it’s because I can’t, I didn’t accept my fate but this is what I got. Now my only option is separation but I am not ready for it.
Please don’t make the mistake I made! Don’t trust your parents, find our information yourself and take a stand, because if not now, you will have to later on.
I am not looking for any pity here, I just want to ensure that other people are at least, prepared for this before they start their new lives. This isn’t something that just goes away. It is always going to be there!
Picture credits: Still from Bollywood movie Dhadkan
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