Violence cases in families have risen since the lockdown came into effect, with the survivors stuck with their abusers in homes. Why?
My friend Anu (name changed) called me late at night; I picked up the call on the very first ring. Late-night calls often jolt me with the thoughts that someone must want to talk desperately! I knew something was wrong as soon as I picked up the call. She was sobbing.
Anu and her husband are a ‘happily married couple’ for more than a decade now. It was never a marriage with bed of roses, yet they managed to overcome the obscurity of life. Of late, the lockdown period had opened a box full of fear plunged with hatred for her. Anu was flabbergasted by her husband’s behaviour, mainly his unusual sexual desires and fantasies.
Sleepless nights, shock and pain overshadowed her life. She was not ready to take help. Lips tight, she even warned me! Maybe It’s just the lockdown effect, she concluded. He is not always like this, it’s just pressure, lockdown effect maybe!
The lockdown has taken a toll on all, but a sick mind and sick mentality are two different things.
In a bizarre incident that happened early April this year, a Bihar man married his ex-girlfriend after his wife happened to visit her parent’s place and unfortunately was stuck there due to the lockdown. A case was registered against the man and his ex-girlfriend. At first, I reacted to the news humorously. But soon there was an appalling increase in such incidents, worse than we can imagine.
The majority of the population is taking this time to spend quality time with family, extended sleeping hours, and the liberty to break the daily routine. However, the situation can go bad when you are stuck in wrong relationships, surrounded by negative people in or out of your own home, arising conflicts.
To make things worse, cases of domestic violence and sexual abuse on women and children are surging high. What triggers to such violence?
Domestic violence is a mindset coupled with low esteem, inferiority complex arising due to lack of education, employment, and social stature. Men tend to pick on easy victims to pour out their frustration. Sometimes domestic abuse need not be only physical – emotional, and psychological abuse causes equal harm. Due to societal pressures, patriarchal norms and the necessity to hold up a family, women seldom raise voice the domestic violence they render in the closed walls of their own house.
Last week most of us woke up to grossly shocking news. A father raped his 18-year daughter after giving her sleeping pills on the pretext of antibiotics for cold. The incident came to light when the girl tried to kill herself consuming poison. A case was registered against the father and her stepmother.
What can explain the mindset of a man who is violent, or a sexual abuser? A disturbed childhood, a victim of abuse, or mental illness are a common reasons that studies imply but it doesn’t permit a man to get away with the harm he had already inflicted on the victim. Sexual abuse at home has increased during the ongoing situation, raised questions about humanity. If women are not safe at home then where?
NGOs working with children and women have received an increased number of calls during the lockdown. The number of calls increased by 25% after the first lockdown was announced on March 23rd. A friend from an NGO working on domestic violence stated that women victims of domestic abuse often hesitate to file a case or even a warning from authorities. They just want us to hear them out. Just to listen to their ordeal!
Author’s Note: My friend Anu is making a big mistake by not raising her voice against her husband. There is nothing I can do either, beyond picking up her call any hours and hearing her out. Sometimes merely listening does a great difference. However forced sex in marriage is also not Ok. And without consent, it’s rape! Stand against it.
Sheeba Vinay is a writer by profession and an aspiring Criminologist. Her write-ups have been published in Lokmat Times, TOI and various platforms like Women's Web, Momspresso, Storymirror, India Imagine and SHEROES. She read more...
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Netflix’s ‘House Of Secrets: The Burari Deaths’ dwells into the shocking death of an entire family of 11 in one night. It throws light on gender roles, superstitions & mental health in Indian households.
(Trigger Warning: This story delves into a documentary about alleged suicide/murder and may be triggering. Spoilers ahead).
Directed by Leena Yadav and Anubhav Chopra, Netflix’s latest three-episode documentary ‘House of secrets: The Burari Deaths’ traces what happened with the Bhatia family in 2018. On a usual summer morning, 11 members of the same family were found suspiciously hanging from the roof in the suburb of Burari. Later it was concluded to be an occult ritual gone wrong.
By the time I arrived home I was a tearful wreck. I finally told my sister. She could understand. Should we tell Bhau, our brother? No, she said. “What if he comes with you and gets into a fight with that man?”
Some places just stick in ones head just as some faces do. One such place was Hotel ‘No Name’.
“Oh, well. Leave them, sweetheart. My kitties are not for boring women. After all, why should men have all the fun?” The hostess flipped her hair and looked at Kanchi with admiration.
Kanchi loaded her plate with a slice of quesadilla and spooned pasta. Her gynae had suggested cutting down on carbs and junk. Not that she was overweight. She had cast aside the regime weeks ago—strict diet, exercise, and those fertility drugs. The treatment her husband had been compelling her to undergo had first saddened her then tormented her.
Those of us privileged may have a lot of work, or may be bored being housebound. But these women - one of them a child, have been suffering much more!
Those of us privileged may have a lot of work, or may be bored being housebound. But these women – one of them a child, have been suffering much more!
Do you think, you are house arrested these days and have nothing to do? You are bored of cooking, cleaning and managing the house. You are tired because the house-help is not there. You are bored because you are not meeting your friends. You are bored because there are not enough movies on Netflix. You are bored because gyms are closed.