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How to play in bed and win: Here’s our quick guide on how to get over your inhibitions and experiment with sex toys.
Three women did something pretty fabulous on-screen this year in Indian cinema – they used a vibrator. In Veere di Wedding, we saw the unapologetic Sakshi moaning amidst satin sheets till she came with a big fat smile. Then the Karan Johar’s chapter of Lust Stories had sexy schoolteacher Rekha doing the deed in a quiet library as her friend Megha watched. Motivated by both Rekha’s bliss and a crappy sex-life with her husband, Megha tries it out herself and her expression of utmost shock and delight shall remain plastered in our brains.
Orgasms are pretty awesome aren’t they? You climax and for those few seconds and forget about the rest of the world; the messy kitchen, the presentation due at work, the kid’s homework. Sex toys are a great way to experiment with achieving different kinds of orgasms, by yourself or with your partner.
Somehow most of us Indian women have been conditioned to feel inhibited about making demands in bed. This makes the idea of suggesting the use of sex toys with a sexual partner feel overly brazen or perhaps even abnormal.
Why can’t we have good sex with our partners and by ourselves?
How can we get past the shame of a desire to extract more pleasure out of our bodies?
Why do we tend to view ‘kinky’ as ‘dirty’?
We’re going to break down some pretty basic stuff on the subject that can help you decide how crazy you want to get.
There’s a pretty thick line between good and great sex that can only be penciled in with honesty. The thought of sitting down with your partner and suggesting accessories to ‘spice things up’ could feel like a daunting task. Going back to the beginning, this fear comes from our innate desire to make the people we love feel secure about their capabilities, even in the bedroom.
Talking about sex is tough, but liberating. Both (or more if you’re into that) partners have the opportunity to know what they’re doing great and what they could work on some more.
Dr. Ava Cadell, a certified sex counselor and author of NeuroLoveology, said, “When you go out to a restaurant, dessert is not necessary, but it sure is yummy when you have it. That’s how I think of sex toys. They’re just yummy enhancements.”
Cadell’s statement re-affirms that sex toys should not be perceived merely as a remedy for those dissatisfied in bed, but rather an additional possibility for individuals and couples to explore a new realm of carnal delights.
Any object used for sexual stimulation or for enhancement of sexual pleasure is categorized as a sex toy.
Now we all can’t be fortunate enough to have an insanely handsome tycoon with a helicopter at his disposal chase us into his BDSM vault and whip us into submission and ecstasy. So let’s see how else we can manage eh?
If you’re in a relationship, a great way to start off is by trying out some naughty board games, edible underwear or kinky handcuffs. With all the teasing and delay, you’re both likely to have more fun and discover new fetishes. Remember to keep an eye on your partner’s reactions to make sure they’re having a good time and you’re on the same page.
And if you’re looking to go solo (Yay!), there are so many types of vibrators to choose from depending on where you want maximum stimulation. Whether you want the traditional rabbit that is great at simultaneously hitting your clitoris and vagina or a Wi-fi enabled dildo that can help you in a long-distance relationship by giving your partner the remote control or a deceptive lipstick-shaped one, the world of wonderful orgasms is your oyster. A select few portals (eg. IMBesharam) also include an LGBT collection.
Looking at the plethora of sex toys (or in some discreet websites labeled as ‘sexual wellness products’) available in India right now, much like Kylie Minogue in the 80’s, we really should be driving down the streets in a convertible with the top down singing ‘I should be so lucky! Lucky lucky lucky!’.
With the rise in popularity of adult toys over the past few years, it’s important to source high quality and safe products from reputed suppliers. So yeah, do stay away from the shady bazaars!
Under their Health & Personal section, Amazon has a great collection of naughty games, personal massagers (wink wink) and even mild bondage kits! Other more specialized platforms like Lovetreats.in, ImBesharam and Thatspersonal have a wider range of imported products, especially vibrators. Additionally you get the opportunity to chat with customer-service representatives to help you make the right choice.
Hygiene is super-important. Always clean your goodies with a mild soap wash when you’re done before stashing it away.
In ‘Nanette’, Hannah Gadsby talks about how girls have only two options for what they want to grow up to be – virgin or whore. This narrative holds especially true in the Indian context where society marks out clear boxes to put women in based on what they wear, how outspoken they are, what kind of jobs they do, how dark they paint their lips.
How about we forget that we don’t have to choose and can be both; the virgin who tingles when kissed on her neck AND the whore who loves a good vibrator in her?
How about we let go and just play?
Image source: a still from Lust Stories
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