If you are passionate about teaching, then Hackberry offers you franchise opportunities to turn this passion into your profession!
I refuse to be put at a 'disadvantage' just because I'm the parent of a girl. It is time we looked differently at marriage and its traditions.
I refuse to be put at a ‘disadvantage’ just because I’m the parent of a girl. It is time we looked differently at marriage and its traditions.
As an “Indian” mother of a daughter I “must” start thinking about my daughter’s marriage since the birth of my child. When the news of a girl child being born is given in Indian society – the image of lakhs of money given as gift to groom’s family comes to mind, maybe kilos of gold of donation and of course the vidaai ceremony of the daughter who is just a day old in your hands… but is this how it should be in a modern society?
Let me share a little instance with you all – I was sitting with a friend of mine who “fortunately” is a mother of a “boy”, having some normal chit chat over tea.
This friend is a very well educated, independent, and working woman in her 30s who works for a corporate in a big city (giving background here is important). We were having this conversation not in some village or a small town of India, but “outside India”.
After some talk about how her in-laws were treating her and how she has many restrictions in her own house (the in-laws house which cannot be hers), we went on to talk about the dowry system in some parts of India. I was shocked to know that despite her background, Bothe personal and professional, she was fine taking dowry for her son in the name of gifts. She tried to convince me that giving gifts is perfectly normal in any marriage, because after all I was a girl’s parent.
This conversation was an eye opener for me. No matter how well educated or financially independent some women became, some of the customs imbibed in society will not change. We as women don’t want that change, we ourselves are encouraging those age-old customs which make no sense in today’s world.
I told her I have a different perspective about all this. Not just because I have a daughter, but because I think it’s unfair to the overall development of the society.
I also have an image of my daughter’s wedding but that doesn’t mean she should get married – that will be her choice. In case she gets married to an Indian boy with parents of the ‘boy’ obviously still attached to the age old Indian customs just because they have a “boy”, I beg to differ in the customs to be followed.
I really don’t subscribe to the tradition that the families to be ‘tied’ in any sort of relationship, because that is a big hoax of Indian marriages. Nowhere are the families tied if there is indifference from the very beginning of the relationship; the bride’s parents are always considered at lower stature than groom’s.
If the bride and groom are capable enough of organizing their own wedding that would be the perfect situation. They are earning; however small or big a ceremony they want, they can spend their own money rather than spending the money of their parents.
The whole onus of spending money falls on the bride’s parents– remember we are the ones who were “doomed” after the birth of girl child? Buying gifts for the groom’s parents and siblings, showering gifts on the not so close relatives of the groom, organizing the whole wedding – why does it have to be the responsibility of only the bride’s parents?
If the happiness of getting their kids married is mutual, then all the exchanging of gifts should be mutual; the bride’s parents should also be showered with the gifts. After all it’s their child also who is getting married.
In an ideal situation there should not be any gifts exchanged, just everyone should have a good time and all the expenses dually split between two wedding parties. Again, I feel that this should be the second choice, in case the kids want the parents to spend money on their wedding – ideally parents should also be invited by the kids to give their blessings and have good time.
As the bride’s parent I should be treated with equal respect and warmth, rather than considering me someone who just raised a daughter and is now passing their own responsibility to the groom and his parents. Please bear in mind we are no longer passing on the responsibility. Our daughter is an asset to this marriage, because we have made her so capable that she does not need any financial assistance from the groom’s side to take care of her needs.
I don’t want the Vidaai scene at all in my daughter’s wedding. Why should the bride and her relatives shed tears? These days both boys and girls move out of their parents’ house so why should only the bride’s side feel bad about it? It should be a happy send-off wherein the parents and families are blessing the newlyweds a good life ahead. But we tend to again make it a pathetic situation for the bride’s side.
I want to be a part of one of the happiest moment of our children’s lives and live it to the fullest – eat, dance and drink (maybe), not just get bogged down by the worries if the groom’s side is happy or not after all the hard earned money has been put down the drain on the bride’s side.
I want my daughter and son-in-law to choose what kind of wedding they want, and not just impose one on them as parents because that is the “Indian culture”. I want the kids to get married so that they are committing to each other for life, not because they must show off the power of money in big fat Indian weddings.
After spending a good amount of money and energy to raise our daughters and get them to a point where they can earn and feed themselves, I am not obligated to put on a show where the groom side is treated as God and we are the lesser ones giving up our self-respect in the name of Indian customs and culture. We cannot change society unless we put an effort to change ourselves. But if we continue to have a mental block like the young lady I mentioned above, then all this talk of equality and women empowerment are just mere words; nothing has changed since ages and we are making sure nothing should change!!
Image source: pixabay
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views. Individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times. If you have a complementary or differing point of view, sign up and start sharing your views too!
An HR professional who keeps shifting between being a homemaker and a career woman. Currently residing in USA, I love to travel across places,meet new people and understand new cultures.I like sharing my read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, indivisual posts do not necessarily represent the platofrom's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
We are conditioned to normalise domestic violence out of fear of abandonment. Thinking that 'trauma bonding' is better than no bonding holds us back from speaking up!
(Trigger Warning: This post may be triggering for survivors of domestic violence. This post has been published especially to honour the International Day For The Elimination of Violence Against Women.)
Everyone said my perfect husband was like Lord Ram…. but this is how he took unfair advantage of my tolerance!
My grandmother was very fond of my husband whose name is synonymous with Lord Ram’s name. Every call she made to my husband started with the bhajan “Aaj sab mil mangal gao, Awadh mai, raam aye hain“. (Hail everyone, sing praises, Lord Ram has come in the kingdom of Awadh.) It was a mandatory welcome song whenever she met him or even spoke to him on the phone. Yes, his attributes were like that of Lord Ram. His attitude, chivalry, persona, fair skin, smile, height, physique and charm illustrate the perfect image of Lord Ram.
He was a generous man but she hardly knew much about the investments or their financial health. A couple of times, she had asked him and he had been vague. Now when she thought about it...
He was a generous man but she hardly knew much about the investments or their financial health. A couple of times, she had asked him and he had been vague. Now when she thought about it…
The Muse of the Month is a monthly writing contest organised by Women’s Web, bringing you original fiction inspired by women.
Chandrika R. Krishnan is one of the winners for the November 2021 Muse of the Month, and wins a Rs 750 Amazon voucher from Women’s Web. The juror for this month, Anuradha Kumar commented, “This introspective, quiet, story with its depiction of the relationship between two relatively older people is quite impressive. A lifetime spent together can bring familiarity and still allow for many mysteries and secrets. Also, the structure of the story, shifting from an external perspective to an internal monologue is well-done.”
India is still a long way from creating a safe space for women, despite the beti bachao rhetoric. Here is why the author thinks Indians don't want daughters.
India is still a long way from creating a safe space for women, despite the beti bachao rhetoric. Here is why the author thinks Indians don’t want daughters.
Despite being one of the most rapidly growing economies in the world, India is still considered a conservative country in several matters.
As per the Constitution of India, all the citizens have equal rights and opportunities without being discriminated on the basis of caste, class, religion or gender.
Apologies to patriotic people, but most of us Indians are not sensitive to special needs people & their emotions. Let's make this world a better place for them!
Apologies to patriotic people, but most of us Indians are not sensitive to special needs people & their emotions. Let’s make this world a better place for them!
My daughter Farheena is a young, smart lady with special needs. She is 26 years of age. I was diagnosed with 3rd Stage breast cancer when she was just 11 months old. Considering how our society responds to people who are different in any way, I was so scared to die that I kicked cancer and continued living. Of course, I had to undergo regular treatment to overcome cancer, but it was not tough.
What has been tough is fighting for the dignity my daughter deserves; especially in my immediate surroundings. Sorry patriotic people, my apologies to you in advance, but most of us Indians are not sensitive to special needs people and their emotions. At times I have come across angels as well, but most of them have behaved as though they carry the devil on both shoulders.