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Daughters usually grow up to be like their mothers, following in their footsteps. But I do not want to be like my mother.
She has been there for me through thick and thin, and I have always depended on her to be a solution to all my problems. Not just me, but the entire family is nourished by her.
But do I want to be like her? No! Never!
Because the kind of life she has lived is unacceptable to me. Since the time I know her, I have never seen her loving or taking care of herself. She has never fought for herself. She keeps working, tolerating and waiting. I have always seen her pouring all her love and energy on her spouse & children, maintaining all her relationships, and going through drastic emotional & physical upheaval without giving up.
As I grew up, she amazed me more by fulfilling everyone’s demands & tantrums and still not complaining, and I HAVE PROBLEMS WITH THAT.
So what, specifically, do I have an issue with?
She has discarded all her passions for giving all of herself to the family, which I don’t believe in. I believe in keeping my passions burning enough to make me feel alive. I want to live my passions, not sacrifice them for others.
She listens to a lot of tantrums and complaints against her even after doing so much, be it from family or relatives while I care about my self-respect and cannot compromise with it.
After all this upheaval in life, she has no self-esteem left in her, she almost thinks of herself as a full-time unpaid maid who is of no use. While I believe in fighting for self-esteem, considering it as a basic life skill that we should keep learning.
She gets body shamed post delivering three babies and few miscarriages but she doesn’t counter it too. I reject this shit as I’m aware that no one has right to body shame me because I am proud of my body, specifically when it is post delivery.
She is still soft-spoken and excels at consoling herself in bed every night crying “One day things will be fine”. While I don’t want to wait for future to get fine, I insist on building my present to shape my future.
I believe that Self-Love is the best form of love that we’re supposed to shower on ourselves. No matter if we are wives or mothers, our space is more important than anything.
For now, I motivate her to prioritize herself because I love her. But personally, I don’t want to learn losing myself for 30 years of my life and then waiting for my daughter to bring me back again, be it for anyone.
Image source: shutterstock
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