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Gender equality at home can be a mirage for women who find themselves discriminated against by their nearest ones, even when they are in great need.
I have always been writing about patriarchy and how I always let myself be intimidated. Has my life changed? Please read on to know.
Once I married at 31, it was a sigh of relief for everyone. After numerous rejections (thanks to my dark brown skin), I managed to find the boy of my dreams. My husband is the best to happen in my life apart from my childhood with my grandmother. We both work for corporate offices and I count my blessings in having this life as it caters to our needs and the sense of independence is simply great.
As a personal choice, I knew I wanted to be a mother and God blessed me by answering my prayers. I was happy to announce my pregnancy to my parents and in laws. My father was happy that he was going to be a grandparent and so were my in-laws. It was all happiness until my mother enquired, “Are you going to come to my house?”
I was baffled, as I thought hard. I wanted to stay at my parents’ house for some moral support and company. My husband too had sought permission from my parents to allow us to stay for few months and post my delivery we would get a new rented house. However, somewhere, my mom was not happy to have us in her house. The reason being, I was no more a family member and my husband was somebody else for her.
With some polite requests and later with a rent negotiation, my kind mother agreed. She allowed my husband and me to stay in a single room and with a bathroom. We agreed to pay a rent of Rs. 12,000/- per month. My only intention was to have people around me while I worked from home.
At my parents’ house, my elder brother who was unemployed, healthy and highly educated stayed. He was staying in ‘his room’ with all amenities like free food, free stay and free money as well! He often dictated terms to my mother in order to get rid of me from my parent’s house.
I currently have no option but to stay until July 2017 while I await for my little one. When I tried to question my parents that it was unfair I get a third degree treatment, even after I pay my monthly rent, my mother retorted, “You can leave right now if you can’t appreciate our help!”
I came to terms with this reality as my husband suggested, “Please bear this for a few months, and once we have our baby, we will not be a burden to your parents.” I suppressed my angst and just tried to focus on my health and work.
No matter how independent I am, I still am dependent on my mother’s love and dad’s smile to keep me happy.
I wonder if there is no present where the girl child is as important as the boy is. We can only hope for a future with gender equality. May be if I have a daughter, I would give her the importance and gender equality at home that she has a right to, and not subjugate her based on my upbringing.
Image source: shutterstock
I am a mother of a beautiful daughter working as a software professional based in Bangalore. As a woman, i understand my rights and as well as duties towards my parents. Being a sister to read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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