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A working daughter in law writes a letter to her mother in law, who is unable to comprehend that this independent young woman will not be pushed.
Dear Mother-in-law,
There is so much I want to tell you, but I hold myself back because I do not want to hurt and disrespect you. But I think I cannot hold back any longer, so here is an open letter for you.
I do not know how you have raised your children – I was not around remember? But I am living with one of them, and trust me he needs a lot of improvement! You might have spoon fed your children, you might have told them what to do and what not to do. They probably ask you which shirt is where and which toothpaste to use, but my parents have raised me to be an independent young girl with views and opinions of my own. I will definitely ask you for advice when I feel the need to, and I do respect you and your experiences, but that does not give you the right to taunt and comment on literally everything I say or do. Trust me, if I start arguing logically you will not have an answer, so I am saying this for your benefit, let go.
Do not teach me how to raise my child. Of course you are experienced, and I value your suggestions. Be assured I hear you, but if I still choose to do my thing, please respect my choice. You raised your child like you wished, let me raise mine as per my wish. I will ask you for suggestions and advice, like I ask my mother. Be a guardian do not be a dictator.
You think the staff in the house respects only you, you talk ill about me to them. I hear you, I hear them, please be more inaudible next time, because your words hurt. They come and tell me everything. They come and tell me what you said. They say they are fed up of your continuous nagging, but I gently explain that they should respect you and not talk like that in front of me. I wish you did the same, I really do.
I wish you spoke to me the way you do when your son is around. I wish you cared for me, the way you do when my husband is around. He is your son – why do you pretend in front of him? That is exactly where you win, because I am who I am in front of you and him. I cannot manipulate him with tears and anger and I hate it when you do. Because I love him, and wish I loved you.
You talk to me about your daughter, and ask me for advice. I genuinely say what my heart feels and I say it in the best of her interests. Then I realize you asked me only to make me realize something, or to compare me and her. I am sorry to break your bubble but there are a lot of things I can do and she cannot. So stop looking at only the other side of the issue.
You might have been perfect in household chores, and I am sure you know way more than me on cooking as a subject, I appreciate it. Please understand I know more than you when it comes to my job, my area of interest and my subjects. You love household jobs and I love my field job. We are both professionals; let’s not compare.
I love your son; he loves me. I do not have to prove my love for him to you. Cooking his favourite food or keeping his clothes ready are not my ways of showing my love to him. You should have got him married to a maid, but excuse me from the same.
I can go on and on, but I guess you get my point. It’s simple.
Live and Let live.
Regards
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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