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I would like my in laws to respect my wish for raising my child my way, so that I can inculcate the values I want to, and even small things matter!
I have one son, and the nine months he was within me, I often planned how I would raise him. I thought of mistakes my parents did that I should avoid, I thought of the good things my parents did, that I should incorporate. I would look at the good habits in my husband’s routine and would think of how I could teach my child the same.
The one thing that never crossed my mind was, will I be “allowed” to do it my way?
I stay with my in-laws. The good part is that since I am a working mother (work from home) I get a lot of help from them. The bad part is that my son is not raised as I had thought I would raise him.
So my option here is to quit my work and be a full-time mother, which I am seriously considering. But what bothers me is, why does it have to be this way? Why are my decisions on raising my child not respected? I often go to my hometown and my son is taken care of by my mother while I work, but I see a huge change there. If I tell my mother his routine and food habits, she tries going by them as much as possible. For example, I do not like it when he is given food from the plate every time somebody is eating, and she ensures that. This allows me to work with a free mind there, knowing my son is being treated the way I would.
In no way am I saying that my mother-in-law does not take care of my son with love. She take a lot of care when she is with my son, and won’t let anything harm or hurt him. But my point here is of raising my child my way. Since I work from home, I am mostly available to take care of him, and my husband pitches in too. So the days when my in–laws are not there, it is very easy to manage my son and work both, and I end the day with a smile. But on other days it’s mostly anger, tears and depression.
So what exactly do I mean by raising my child my way? Let me give some examples.
Like I previously mentioned, I do not like him eating off everyone’s plate, because that makes him less hungry during his meal time and cuts on his nutrition.
I do not like scaring him about things, just so that he listens to me.
I do not want to teach him that entering the kitchen is dangerous. What if he wants to later learn cooking? Why should I scare him about it?
I do not like lying to him, just so that he stops crying.
I do not see any point in fulfilling all his demands, just so that he does not cry. I see this would make him a troublesome child. I want him to know that there are times he could be wrong and I think it is okay to teach him to cry if he is hurt. If he falls, he would know where not to step. I want him to learn.
In short, I want to raise an independent child, and that I see failing when my in laws take care of him.
I read a quote somewhere, which pretty much sums up what I want to say “Dear MIL, don’t teach me how to raise my child, I live with yours, and he needs a lot of improvement.”
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