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The work of a homemaker is never done. But this is not understood by many husbands who think their wife is idling away her time and having fun all day!
Well it all started here in US. During my initial days it was difficult for me to do the whole work at home as well as handle a hyper active toddler. This was because I was just not used to doing all this work back in India as there we have a maid for it all.
Oh, I don’t mind doing the work as I feel it’s my home and I have to make sure to keep it in good condition. Being a stay at home mom and conducting play dates for kids everyday the house definitely becomes a mess. I make sure most of the mess gets cleaned before my husband is home, though there are exceptions when time /health does not permit.
All of a sudden he says to his mom that he will be sending me back to India and has bear me all these days i.e. 5 complete years of marriage and is fed up with me. I was completely shocked. I know our relationship is not like most others’ – it’s different, more delicate and sensitive thanks to some issues in the past. But sending me away for this reason was quite ridiculous.
Is this house only mine? Is it not yours too? It’s your responsibility to clean the house too.
Have you ever washed any utensils? You can also wash it right, as you are also eating at home.
Do you know how to operate a washing machine? If yes you can also do laundry once in while to help me.
Having a active toddler at home it is difficult to clean up toys. Why don’t you and your daughter do a clean up activity every night before bed?
Have you ever brushed your daughter teeth or gave her bath or made her eat? If you can do this once in a while I shall get time to do other things.
Have you ever folded the blankets from bed and made the bed after waking up? If you could do yours it would definitely save some time for me.
Have you ever cleaned the bathrooms or at least washbasins? All your shit is there, here and there. You love to spend lot of time in washrooms but do not want to clean it even if my health is not well.
Have you ever throw the trash outside ? You only know to put it in the small bin at home.
I am not asking you to do all these chores because I know you have your own office related issues and I don’t want you to feel the burden of the house hold responsibilities. But then, please do not interfere much in my work. This is all my work – it’s my routine apart from taking care of my daughter, entertaining her, feeding her, making her read, cooking food, planning for next day, etc .
I may be tired some days. Sometimes I too need a break or due to tiredness I may not do utensils one day! It doesn’t mean I don’t do it forever, as ultimately it’s I only who has to do it. Depending upon the dishwasher load and utensils availability I clean up the utensils.
I make sure the kids clean up after the play dates but some times your kid wants to play again and again with them, which messes up the room. So you can’t blame me for not cleaning up every time. Instead try teaching your daughter to clean up her toys. Or do a clean up activity with her as I said earlier.
You think the piled up soiled clothes are a mess. But I have a routine doing it once a week. Each one of your soiled clothes go for washing so obviously the bins will be filled once a week.
Listen I am doing all these every day 24×7 and still I don’t have credit for my work. I try to keep my daughter busy the whole day with different activities, but still you think we are just doing time pass the whole day. Doing office work is very easy but doing the household work is a talent.
You get your wage for your 9 to 5 job but what about me? I don’t get a single penny for my work 24×7 the whole year .
Still if you want to send me back to India I am ready at least there I have maids to do most of this work.
Image source: messy kid’s room by Shutterstock.
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Darlings makes some excellent points about domestic violence . For such a movie to not follow through with a resolution that won't be problematic, is disappointing.
I watched Darlings last weekend, staying on top of its release on Netflix. It was a long-awaited respite from the recent flicks. I wanted badly to jump into its praise and will praise it, for something has to be said for the powerhouse performances it is packed with. But I will not be able to in a way that I really had wanted to.
I wanted to say that this is a must-watch on domestic violence that I stand behind and a needed and nuanced social portrayal. But unfortunately, I can’t. For I found Darlings to be deeply problematic when it comes to the portrayal of domestic violence and how that should be dealt with.
Before we rush to the ‘you must be having a problem because a man was hit’ or ‘much worse happens to women’ conclusions, that is not what my issue is. I have seen the praises and criticisms, and the criticisms of criticisms. I know, from having had close associations with non-profits and activists who fight domestic violence not just in India but globally, that much worse happens to women. I have written a book with case studies and statistics on that. Neither do I have any moral qualms around violence getting tackled with violence (that will be another post some day).
Gender stereotypes, though a by-product of the patriarchal society that we have always lived in, are now so intricately woven into our conditioning that despite our progressive thinking, we are unable to break free from them.
Repeatedly crossing, while on my morning walk ̶ a sticky, vine-coloured patch on the walkway, painted by jamuns that have fallen from the jamun tree, crushed by the impact of their fall, and perhaps, inadvertently trampled upon by walkers, awakens memories of the mulberry tree that stood in my parents’ house when I was growing up. Right at the entrance of the house, the tree caused a similar red and violet chaos on the floor, which greeted us each time we entered the gate.
Today, as I walked by this red-violet patch, I was reminded of an incident that my mother had narrated to me several times. It had taken place shortly after her marriage and her arrival in this house from her hometown.