Read on how to enrich your life by purpose, i.e. to find depth and, a reason to get out of bed each morning, your own Ikigai.
The work of a homemaker is never done. But this is not understood by many husbands who think their wife is idling away her time and having fun all day!
Well it all started here in US. During my initial days it was difficult for me to do the whole work at home as well as handle a hyper active toddler. This was because I was just not used to doing all this work back in India as there we have a maid for it all.
Oh, I don’t mind doing the work as I feel it’s my home and I have to make sure to keep it in good condition. Being a stay at home mom and conducting play dates for kids everyday the house definitely becomes a mess. I make sure most of the mess gets cleaned before my husband is home, though there are exceptions when time /health does not permit.
All of a sudden he says to his mom that he will be sending me back to India and has bear me all these days i.e. 5 complete years of marriage and is fed up with me. I was completely shocked. I know our relationship is not like most others’ – it’s different, more delicate and sensitive thanks to some issues in the past. But sending me away for this reason was quite ridiculous.
Is this house only mine? Is it not yours too? It’s your responsibility to clean the house too.
Have you ever washed any utensils? You can also wash it right, as you are also eating at home.
Do you know how to operate a washing machine? If yes you can also do laundry once in while to help me.
Having a active toddler at home it is difficult to clean up toys. Why don’t you and your daughter do a clean up activity every night before bed?
Have you ever brushed your daughter teeth or gave her bath or made her eat? If you can do this once in a while I shall get time to do other things.
Have you ever folded the blankets from bed and made the bed after waking up? If you could do yours it would definitely save some time for me.
Have you ever cleaned the bathrooms or at least washbasins? All your shit is there, here and there. You love to spend lot of time in washrooms but do not want to clean it even if my health is not well.
Have you ever throw the trash outside ? You only know to put it in the small bin at home.
I am not asking you to do all these chores because I know you have your own office related issues and I don’t want you to feel the burden of the house hold responsibilities. But then, please do not interfere much in my work. This is all my work – it’s my routine apart from taking care of my daughter, entertaining her, feeding her, making her read, cooking food, planning for next day, etc .
I may be tired some days. Sometimes I too need a break or due to tiredness I may not do utensils one day! It doesn’t mean I don’t do it forever, as ultimately it’s I only who has to do it. Depending upon the dishwasher load and utensils availability I clean up the utensils.
I make sure the kids clean up after the play dates but some times your kid wants to play again and again with them, which messes up the room. So you can’t blame me for not cleaning up every time. Instead try teaching your daughter to clean up her toys. Or do a clean up activity with her as I said earlier.
You think the piled up soiled clothes are a mess. But I have a routine doing it once a week. Each one of your soiled clothes go for washing so obviously the bins will be filled once a week.
Listen I am doing all these every day 24×7 and still I don’t have credit for my work. I try to keep my daughter busy the whole day with different activities, but still you think we are just doing time pass the whole day. Doing office work is very easy but doing the household work is a talent.
You get your wage for your 9 to 5 job but what about me? I don’t get a single penny for my work 24×7 the whole year .
Still if you want to send me back to India I am ready at least there I have maids to do most of this work.
Image source: messy kid’s room by Shutterstock.
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It is easy to understand the frustration and anxiety you are experiencing as a woman and mother. Housework and parenting are stressful, exhausting and unpaid jobs, which require skills of patience, creativity, strength, self motivation and also team work. Sharing the load of these tasks is a must in every household whether individuals are working inside the home or outside. Marriage is a partnership and since this is the basis for both -running a household and parenting- both individuals have to be understanding, supportive and communicative team players. If either spouse is not supportive of the other’s efforts and contributions,(in physical work or monetary help) there cannot be adequate growth or success in the relationships among the couple and later with kids too. Sometimes its just a matter of time and patient guidance (from either one or both spouses)before things will settle and a healthy pattern of support is set up by the couple for each other. But sometimes, if either or both parties resist or reject supporting each other, more serious consequences are inevitable. Try to get some counselling from a trained professional like a marriage counsellor or an elder whom you both trust so as to sort this issue out at the earliest.
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