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Friends are important for us women - our women friends are those we go to in times of need. So, do not let go of them, even if family dictates that you do so!
Friends are important for us women – our women friends are those we go to in times of need. So, do not let go of them, even if family dictates that you do so!
We cannot choose our family but we can always choose our friends.
Friends play an important role in our lives, like family, but the only difference is that we do not share blood relations with them. Our family members do play various roles of friend, philosopher and guide, but the friends we choose outside our family makes us unique and different.
As children we adhered to what our parents said and made friends with who so ever they deemed fit, but as we grew we were free to chose.
Whether a girl or a boy, friends were friends no restrictions were made by parents. But as a girl gets married, apart from adopting a new family, why are we forced to make new friends or abandon our earlier friends? Or why are so many restrictions imposed on us about making friends?
For a girl apart from leaving her blood relations, her friend circle is also changed, which may sound as a vicious circle for us, but fact of the matter is, that we are expected to abide by so called changes forced on us. As it is our new beginning and so is the forced selection of new friends, until unless we lucky to have our best friend as our husband and share common friends.
A girl who was a labelled as a ‘tom boy’ earlier, is expected to change her style, become more ‘feminine’ in her choice of friends, or stop hanging out with her male friends. Still, if so is the case, it is the girl who sacrifices her friendships, her husband commands respect and authority in choosing and selecting her friends further. If he says that ‘so and so person is not worth their friendship’ the girl ultimately distances herself from her friend, despite the fact that she still longs for that friendship, but her husband’s wish becomes her command.
Well the answer is pretty simple and known: NO.
She leaves her friends of childhood for him and tries to adjust in new company for his sake, whether she likes it or not. No matter how educated you are, it is the family and friends of your husband you have to be with. You are expected to attend functions and parties to please the friends of your husband and if he does the same for you, then it becomes a favour.
A man can dictate his terms, order his wife to please his boss or serve his friends, for the sake of his career but a woman cannot do the same. For the career and promotion of their husbands, many wives sacrifice their own friends and make friends with her husband’s friends and their families.
How many times have we seen or heard a man entertaining the boss or friends of his wife? For the sake of her career or reputation? He may show interest in the female friends of his wife but would he do the same if male colleagues of his wife are invited as guests, well chances are rare.
Once a while if you go out for all girls night out with your friends, everyone goes ga-ga over your husband ‘s generosity, of allowing you to do so. If you accompany your husband to every formal and casual party of his, then it is no big deal, because it is the duty and responsibility of a wife, but husbands are applauded for their similar acts.
Even the working wives are not spared, for the sake of their husband’s promotion, they are forced to skip their office or even quit their jobs but a man can never be expected to do the same.
I have even seen senior ladies dominating and threatening the wives of junior officers to comply by their demands for the career of their husbands, but will a husband do the same for his working wife or babysit for her?
Coming to friendships, you may be an extrovert or an introvert, but it is very important for us, the ‘women’ of today to invest in friendships which do not come with excess baggage and demands – the friends of our own, with whom we can talk and share, pour our heart out without the watchdogs watching.
All women should make friends without fear of anyone objecting because every friend is important. It does not matter whether we have many friends or just one friend, but have a friend of your own, it us important for us.
Family and relatives have their own position, but friendships which we make for ourselves are selfless without any motives and will only help us evolve as a human being. So ladies, please look after your family well, but take good care of yourself first and for that, have your own friends.
Image source: women friends by Shutterstock.
A woman of today ,I love to travel and live life simple and happy.
Writing for me is an outlet to my emotions, which I can visit again and again.
And yes learnt the hard read more...
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If you want to get back to work after a break, here’s the ultimate guide to return to work programs in India from tech, finance or health sectors - for women just like you!
Last week, I was having a conversation with a friend related to personal financial planning and she shared how she had had fleeting thoughts about joining work but she was apprehensive to take the plunge. She was unaware of return to work programs available in India.
She had taken a 3-year long career break due to child care and the disconnect from the job arena that she spoke about is something several women in the same situation will relate to.
More often than not, women take a break from their careers to devote time to their kids because we still do not have a strong eco-system in place that can support new mothers, even though things are gradually changing on this front.
A married woman has to wear a sari, sindoor, mangalsutra, bangles, anklets, and so much more. What do these ornaments have to do with my love, respect, and commitment to my husband?
They: Are you married?
They: But You don’t look like it
Me: (in my Mind) Why should I?
Why is being married not enough for a woman, and she needs to look married too? I am tired of such comments in the nearly four years of being married.
I believe that anything that is forced is not right. I must have a choice. I am a living human, not a puppet. And I am not stopping anyone by not following any tradition. You are free to do whatever you like to do. But do not force others. It’s depressing.