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Indian society has always been obsessed with marriage. Ash shares her insights on why we should put aside this obsession, and choose to live, and let live.
Indian society has always been obsessed with marriage. Here is why we should put aside this obsession, and choose to live, and let live.
Marriage: that time of our lives when dreams shape the glimmer of our eyes, love takes the space of our hearts, and thoughts about the future fill our minds. That time of our lives, when we long for the sight of our Prince charming, who will kiss us out of our sleep, and unfold a fairy tale. We eagerly wait for that big day to dawn upon us, when we will look no less than princesses, to take the vow- “Yes I do, Until death do us part!
A bit of an exaggeration there ; but nevertheless, we take this detour in the journey of life with expectations and hopes for a brighter future. However, it may or may not turn out to be the way we expected or planned it to be, or worse, be the way we never wanted it to be. It may be a cake walk for a lucky few, a mixed bag for many, and a nightmare, for others.
It may be a cake walk for a lucky few, a mixed bag for many, and a nightmare, for others.
In reality, as you and I know perfectly well, no marriage can be a fairy tale. In fact , perfect marriages are a myth.So, life thereon is just a matter of adjustments, adaptations, and sacrifices of only one partner’s preferences to a certain extent, or a blend of both in the right proportions, cloaked in the robes of mutual understanding, love and respect for each other. If at all, the cloak gets worn out, what lies beneath surges up and the relationship might take an uglier side. Worse still, the chain that binds, may turn out to be a noose for some hapless ones.
So in this perspective, my question is – Is marriage the ultimate answer to all the questions life poses? Or is it just a question by itself, that we try to answer in the subsequent years of marriage?
Have you ever pondered over the fact that there might probably be people who might not be interested in the concept of marriage, or for whom marriage may not occupy the top slot in their priority list? Given the fact that our society is so persistent in imposing marriage upon its youth, what would their stance be, on this account? Once a child reaches the age of maturity, the one question that he/she needs to face constantly is with regard to his/her marriage . Why do parents feel insecure and uncomfortable when their children are reluctant to tie the knot? Why is society restless until a person is married?
Why do parents feel insecure and uncomfortable when their children are reluctant to tie the knot? Why is society restless until a person is married?Never miss real stories from India's women.Register Now
Why do parents feel insecure and uncomfortable when their children are reluctant to tie the knot? Why is society restless until a person is married?
I do not understand this extraordinary emphasis given to marriage in Indian society. We simply find it so weird if an individual elects to lead a single life or does not deem it necessary to enter into lifelong commitment of a marriage, in claiming legitimacy for a relationship.
They may have ample reasons for opting out of marriage – they may not like their personal and private relationships to be controlled by any social, political, religious, or patriarchal institutions. Or they may not yet be ready to get tangled in a lifelong commitment, or simply because they do not want any strings attached to distract from their goals.
They may have all the answers as to why they chose a single life or life out of marriage, even when we may not have all the answers ourselves as to why we chose a married life. Even at times, when the scale seems to weigh more on their side, we still like to look at them with sympathy (and awe!) and accuse them of not having a life!
Personally I have seen many individuals who are content with their single life, (applicable to divorcees/single parents as well); but still society never seems to spare them. Their detractors never fail to remind them that , one day, they will have to ‘pay a huge price for their foolishness’, and that they would definitely ‘regret their decision’, by which time they might have already ‘outgrown their age of marriage’. And the most crucial of them all, they will ‘not have anyone to look after in old age and might even die a miserable and lonely death!’ (As if we know in advance what fate has in store for us).I believe it is high time we learn to respect every individual’s choice as to what their marital status should be.
I believe it is high time we learn to respect every individual’s choice as to what their marital status should be.
Believe me, just as we love our marital life, they love their solitary life. Just as we are happy with our bondage in marital life, they too are happy with the freedoms of their life. But this fact never seems to go down well with a major chunk of society.
“If living together is an offence, then the first complaint should be filed against the Supreme Court, because we have permitted living together.”
Pic credit: M G Kafkas (Used under a CC license)
A legal consultant, settled in Sharjah, United Arab Emirates; my first love is and has always been my profession. But apart from drafting legal documents, my equally important other domains include blogging, poetry writing, write- read more...
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Shows like Indian Matchmaking only further the argument that women must adhere to social norms without being allowed to follow their hearts.
When Netflix announced that Indian Matchmaking (2020-present) would be renewed for a second season, many of us hoped for the makers of the show to take all the criticism they faced seriously. That is definitely not the case because the show still continues to celebrate regressive patriarchal values.
Here are a few of the gendered notions that the show propagates.
A mediocre man can give himself a 9.5/10 and call himself ‘the world’s most eligible bachelor’, but an independent and successful woman must be happy with receiving just 60-70% of what she feels she deserves.
Darlings makes some excellent points about domestic violence . For such a movie to not follow through with a resolution that won't be problematic, is disappointing.
I watched Darlings last weekend, staying on top of its release on Netflix. It was a long-awaited respite from the recent flicks. I wanted badly to jump into its praise and will praise it, for something has to be said for the powerhouse performances it is packed with. But I will not be able to in a way that I really had wanted to.
I wanted to say that this is a must-watch on domestic violence that I stand behind and a needed and nuanced social portrayal. But unfortunately, I can’t. For I found Darlings to be deeply problematic when it comes to the portrayal of domestic violence and how that should be dealt with.
Before we rush to the ‘you must be having a problem because a man was hit’ or ‘much worse happens to women’ conclusions, that is not what my issue is. I have seen the praises and criticisms, and the criticisms of criticisms. I know, from having had close associations with non-profits and activists who fight domestic violence not just in India but globally, that much worse happens to women. I have written a book with case studies and statistics on that. Neither do I have any moral qualms around violence getting tackled with violence (that will be another post some day).