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Indian society has always been obsessed with marriage. Ash shares her insights on why we should put aside this obsession, and choose to live, and let live.
Indian society has always been obsessed with marriage. Here is why we should put aside this obsession, and choose to live, and let live.
Marriage: that time of our lives when dreams shape the glimmer of our eyes, love takes the space of our hearts, and thoughts about the future fill our minds. That time of our lives, when we long for the sight of our Prince charming, who will kiss us out of our sleep, and unfold a fairy tale. We eagerly wait for that big day to dawn upon us, when we will look no less than princesses, to take the vow- “Yes I do, Until death do us part!
A bit of an exaggeration there ; but nevertheless, we take this detour in the journey of life with expectations and hopes for a brighter future. However, it may or may not turn out to be the way we expected or planned it to be, or worse, be the way we never wanted it to be. It may be a cake walk for a lucky few, a mixed bag for many, and a nightmare, for others.
It may be a cake walk for a lucky few, a mixed bag for many, and a nightmare, for others.
In reality, as you and I know perfectly well, no marriage can be a fairy tale. In fact , perfect marriages are a myth.So, life thereon is just a matter of adjustments, adaptations, and sacrifices of only one partner’s preferences to a certain extent, or a blend of both in the right proportions, cloaked in the robes of mutual understanding, love and respect for each other. If at all, the cloak gets worn out, what lies beneath surges up and the relationship might take an uglier side. Worse still, the chain that binds, may turn out to be a noose for some hapless ones.
So in this perspective, my question is – Is marriage the ultimate answer to all the questions life poses? Or is it just a question by itself, that we try to answer in the subsequent years of marriage?
Have you ever pondered over the fact that there might probably be people who might not be interested in the concept of marriage, or for whom marriage may not occupy the top slot in their priority list? Given the fact that our society is so persistent in imposing marriage upon its youth, what would their stance be, on this account? Once a child reaches the age of maturity, the one question that he/she needs to face constantly is with regard to his/her marriage . Why do parents feel insecure and uncomfortable when their children are reluctant to tie the knot? Why is society restless until a person is married?
Why do parents feel insecure and uncomfortable when their children are reluctant to tie the knot? Why is society restless until a person is married?Never miss real stories from India's women.Register Now
Why do parents feel insecure and uncomfortable when their children are reluctant to tie the knot? Why is society restless until a person is married?
I do not understand this extraordinary emphasis given to marriage in Indian society. We simply find it so weird if an individual elects to lead a single life or does not deem it necessary to enter into lifelong commitment of a marriage, in claiming legitimacy for a relationship.
They may have ample reasons for opting out of marriage – they may not like their personal and private relationships to be controlled by any social, political, religious, or patriarchal institutions. Or they may not yet be ready to get tangled in a lifelong commitment, or simply because they do not want any strings attached to distract from their goals.
They may have all the answers as to why they chose a single life or life out of marriage, even when we may not have all the answers ourselves as to why we chose a married life. Even at times, when the scale seems to weigh more on their side, we still like to look at them with sympathy (and awe!) and accuse them of not having a life!
Personally I have seen many individuals who are content with their single life, (applicable to divorcees/single parents as well); but still society never seems to spare them. Their detractors never fail to remind them that , one day, they will have to ‘pay a huge price for their foolishness’, and that they would definitely ‘regret their decision’, by which time they might have already ‘outgrown their age of marriage’. And the most crucial of them all, they will ‘not have anyone to look after in old age and might even die a miserable and lonely death!’ (As if we know in advance what fate has in store for us).I believe it is high time we learn to respect every individual’s choice as to what their marital status should be.
I believe it is high time we learn to respect every individual’s choice as to what their marital status should be.
Believe me, just as we love our marital life, they love their solitary life. Just as we are happy with our bondage in marital life, they too are happy with the freedoms of their life. But this fact never seems to go down well with a major chunk of society.
“If living together is an offence, then the first complaint should be filed against the Supreme Court, because we have permitted living together.”
Pic credit: M G Kafkas (Used under a CC license)
A legal consultant, settled in Sharjah, United Arab Emirates; my first love is and has always been my profession. But apart from drafting legal documents, my equally important other domains include blogging, poetry writing, write- read more...
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Neelu might have outwardly forgiven Ramesh, but in her mind, which once was filled with unconditional love for Ramesh, there was now a seed of resentment.
Ramesh’s footsteps paused at the entrance of the hotel’s ballroom. Inside, his school’s reunion party was going in full swing. The air was heavy, as expensive perfumes and the aroma of food from the buffet table, mingled. There were low murmurs, tinkling laughs and clinks of cutlery.
Ramesh had not wanted to come, knowing that she would be there. She, Neelu, who once had been the love of his life. Taking a deep breath, Ramesh entered the room. His eyes found Neelu almost immediately. She still looked the same. Maybe there was now grey in her hair and a few wrinkles on her face. But her vivacity, her mannerisms were still the same. Things, that had first attracted him.
Arathi Rajagopalan, founder of 'House of Kalart', talks about thinking like a designer & transitioning to thinking like a business owner.
Excerpts from an interview with Arathi Rajagopalan, founder of ‘House of Kalart’ – a fusion jewellery label that merges global aesthetics and traditional craftsmanship.
When did you start ‘House of Kalart’ and what was the intention?
I started House of Kalart in 2017 as a venture where painting, drawing and embroidery are married with metalsmithing to create well-handcrafted fashion jewellery. Along with painting and styling, the venture aims to create a holistic fashion experience for a bold and dramatic woman!” As a child, I had always been fascinated by arts and crafts.
Let us recognize that moms are people too, and have a right to their downtime, no matter what the ideal of the MAA has taught you!
Recently, I was away from home for a couple of months to attend a training. When I told my mother about this, she wondered what would she do without me.
After I am back, I realised she managed alright, actually, a little more than alright. She re-found some of her interests. She watched her favourite movies, kept herself up to date with the latest news, cooked what she loved, got in touch with her old friends, started using Facebook and Whatsapp to the fullest, read a few books, took walks in the evenings, practised Yoga in the mornings. And on top of all that, she was more cheerful and enthusiastic than ever.
Forcing women to marry after completing education is not fair. Women must be given a fair chance to explore and decide what they desire in life.
Forcing women to marry, after completing their education, is unfair. Women must be given a fair chance to explore and decide what they desire in life.
I would say, I come from a progressive Indian family. All the girls in my family are well-educated, working, raised with much affection, freedom and in equality with boys. There has been a special emphasis on education and I can proudly declare that all my female cousins are doctors, engineers, architects, MBAs and so on.
But one thing is common among all of us– the moment we completed our education in diverse fields, whether it is a master’s degree or chartered accountancy, we’ve been told- “Now that the education is over, it is time to get married.” The arranged marriage search begins and soon we would be settled.