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An Indian woman discovers anew intricacies of the mother and daughter bond, on a mother daughter trip
There is something very special about mother and daughter relationships. Even in the happiest and closest of all families, I have always seen that there are certain secrets only mothers and daughters share. Even in the most distant or broken relationship, there is always a part of the mother in her daughter. And that stays forever. Now, in my late twenties Maa is my closest confidante.
Maa was born and brought up in a town and at 22 she married Daddy. It was a love marriage; and thus, life kept unfolding itself in thousand hues and spheres. Now after 36 years of being married, she is the matriarch of the family after dad expired 18 years back.
Maa has grown and developed in many folds, as I see her now. Last year, she and I took a trip together. That trip showed me much more than so many years of staying with her as a daughter did.
Time comes in its own garb. It will always soften and melt your steps. It was at Jaipur, when we landed, I saw the cards, time played. That day, I signed the hotel registry and gave my I-card for proof. She just waited nearby. That night, after food as we went to the room, Maa was the first one to go off to sleep peacefully, secured in the knowledge that everything is arranged and she does not need to lead anything the next morning.
All through the trip I kept taking her photos. She complied happily. All her life, she was worried about us getting clicked and this time, I finally discovered that she too loved getting herself clicked. That too is Maa.
At Haridwar and Rishikesh, I took long walks with her. Yes, we bought books together. But the best was yet to come. As we sat to watch the Ganga Aarti, the bhajan was going on. It was one the most beautiful evenings in my life; the gentle breeze and the Bhajan going on. Maa was a radio singer before marriage; I wonder how many women in her generation gave up their best to have a family. That evening Maa just could not stop herself. She joined the group and sang the best she could. And she was in tears throughout. Till date, I never asked why she cried or sang. I believe every human being has his/her own silent rendezvous with their Gods. That’s when you got to leave them alone. That is a part no one owes an explanation to anyone.
Mcloedganj bought a very special memory. We sat in a café for cake and coffee. May be that was the first day in her life she sat by herself sipping coffee enjoying a piece of cake. For sure she has travelled, been to the best of places and had amenities but in her heart, mind and soul she was always a mother, a wife and a care-giver. So that evening was such a pleasure.
She shopped so much, I kept saying, “Maa, do it for yourself. We are all grown up and can take care of ourselves.” Yes, Maa was happy, just being herself. I have come to realize and believe that if all women in the society is left to be free in there pursuits of life, we will create not only an equal world but a much happier and creative world.
It was this summer, I was home. Maa was reading beside me. The night hung itself in the electric pole nearby, buttoning the stars closely to itself. For the first time in my life, I talked about a friend and things I only talked to myself. Not even to Devina, the only one in this whole wide world, I have ever shared my grief with. That night I told Maa, why I am angry with someone. There is a sorrow I felt each time, I looked back at the most beautiful relationship that was carved in the niche of innocence and deep reverence. I confessed that I never knew the exact moment when I started praying for someone’s happiness before mine; and would wait for those two seconds before the Mandir to say a silent prayer because someone had a bad dream, and then ran to college to attend the 8:40 class. That night I cried like the 17 year old kid who would sit and pray every night so that someone gets the university grants and skip lunch for days to save up for one birthday ISD call. These are things I never spoke off even to my best friends.
Maa in reply, did not bash the other person or accused me of feeling that way for someone. She just said that it is O.K. and she understands it. Suddenly the burden shifted. There was a sudden relief to know that someone understands without judgment. Maa asked to give it a closure, which only I could. That night my soul let all go. And I never disturbed the gentleman concerned again. Now, I hope wherever Siddhartha (not his real name) is and whatever he chooses he will always do well and stay happy. Maa’s compassion that night washed away everything.
Next morning, Maa drove me to the airport. I saw her in the glass door while she sadly waved at me at the departure lounge. I did not look back. Otherwise she would have seen my tears. But I stepped into the Dibrugarh- New Delhi aircraft, lighter and confident. Through my streaming tears, I smiled at the careless afternoon sky and tossed my hair back as the airhostess came to help me with my luggage.
Proud Indian. Senior Writer at Women's Web. Columnist. Book Reviewer. Street Theatre - Aatish. Dreamer. Workaholic. read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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