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Son Anyone?

Posted: May 9, 2011

I have a daughter and I have blogged earlier on what are the advantages of having a daughter and how I am being told to have a second child. Now, this second child has to definitely be a boy….I HAVE to ensure it okie! Othewise, do you know what will happen?

– There is will no one to carry forward RD’s family’s name

– Who will take care of us in our old age?

– Whom will RD relate to?

– The family needs to be ‘complete’ (hum do, hamare do, ek ladki, ek ladka)

– There will be someone to light our prye when we die, phew!

– Someone has to be there to take care of R when she gets married and goes away…who will stand for the ‘mama stanam’ when her child is getting his thread ceremony done or getting married?

– There has to be at least one happy occasion in the house before R’s marriage na, that’s the son’s thread ceremony!

– Who will R tie ‘rakhi’ to and who will protect her in her teenage years? Which is why I should not delay having a second child so that the age difference is not much

– R can stay back late nights when she grows up so that her brother can take care of her and bring her back from wherever she is

blah blah blah blah…Uff I’ve seriously had enough!!!

To the many people who are so worried here are my answers

– R carries her father’s family’s name as much as the hypothetical son that I will carry in future, just as I carry my parent’s name as much as my brother

– We need to take care of ourselves at our old age. We need to plan our finances whether or note we have a son or a daughter and BTW..I am serious about the thought of putting money in an old age home and staying there when my child(ren) don’t need my self

– RD can relate to his daughter, he can relate to playing rough with her, he can relate to making her sporty, yes, he can do that with a girl child!!

– The family is already complete and if I have another child who is a girl, it’s going to be equally complete – thank you so much for your concern on completed families!

– My daughter is hale and hearty and am sure will be capable enough to light the prye, thank you so much!

– Errr..We hope to educate R so that she can definitely take care of herself..her marriage or non-marriage is her choice..and for ‘mama stanam’ for her kids..she has enough cousins and friends even at the age of three, whom she looks upon as brothers

– Yaa, right..I would rather NOT have any such happy occasions, if they are meant to waste 1000s of rupees inviting people you can’t even relate to and all they do is comment!

– R can tie ‘rakhi’ to who ever is her sibling and to her cousins and friends. And I plan to make her strong enough to take care of herself!

– R can stay back late nights even if I don’t have a second child, because my parents brought me up in such a way that I never needed my elder brother to come and ‘pick me up’ and I plan to make R strong and independent enough to handle herself and when needed, her younger sibling if any

Any more other questions?

R’s Mom is a working mother in Mumbai trying to balance work, home and

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  1. Good post. I have however found that with a certain type of scummy “concern”, I don’t want to engage in explanation or discussion. Everyone should use the cue I read about in a brilliant post yesterday by Ajay Kumar (the young techie and a social worker with a golden heart, with whom I am working on the #PowerCutIndia project). The title was “Tujhe Kya?” (Hindi, what is it to you?). Sometimes that is the best answer to all these rubbish “concerns”. Or as we say in North India (sounds pretty blunt in Hindi): what goes of your father?

  2. Nice post, R’s Mom. It never ceases to astonish me how well-educated, urban folks still ask questions like these. I continue to be pitied (my parents, rather) for being part of a no-sons-3-daughters family. I hope you use at least one of your answers with those “concerned”

  3. Wonderful post R’s mum. Being mother of a daughter I feel or sense similar issues, though I keep a safe and polite distance from people with such comments. But you know there are people who always want to protect the stereotypes.

  4. The truth is that son or daughter one has to let go keeping their welfare in mind. I do admit to feeling depressed at times with my children opting to make US of A their home. But then I too had a hand in sending them there. I also feel that tying son’s down in the name of tradition and treating daughters like someone’s else’s property are both wrong. It was okay when families were huge and more than one son took care of parents. In an only child set up it is only fair to keep one’s unrealistic expectations at bay.

  5. @Shefaly: True…I guess after a level its the ‘tujhe kya’ attitude which works 🙂

    @Aparna: Oh, I use a lot of these answers 🙂 Its really shocking when such questions ‘suggestions’ come from well educated working women!

    @Chandrima: thanks…

    @HHG: ‘Let Go’ thats such an important thing..my daughter is not even three and yet I find it difficult to ‘let go’ so I can well imagine how difficult it will be for parents later on 🙂 And I totally agree in a large family may be it was possible to take care of elders..I dont want to be dependent on my child(ren) its not that I dont love her/him, but I just dont want to be a burden..thats all

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  8. What a wonderful post…..reflecting my thoughts. I have a daughter and don’t want another baby to complete my family as it is already complete. Tujhe kya attitude definitely works wonders. All your answers are brilliant to simply rubbish questions that often put by our own people. I don’t even care to answer as it’s my life, my choice, my decision and I know I am raising my girl in a wonderful way that she will grow up to be a strong and an independent girl to take care of herself and deal with society.

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