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What Are Their Thoughts?

Posted: August 24, 2012

…..you know the family of the men who are accused for the Assam incident?

Yesterday morning, I was suffering from severe cramps in the stomach, and I was wondering why has God been giving me so much pain, when I suddenly thought about that innocent girl who wanted to enjoy the evening out with her friends…

I first read about the Assam incident (note how I call it incident) and I didn’t want to read about it further. I didn’t watch the video. I didn’t have the guts, I am ashamed to admit. It just left such a dirty taste in my mouth, that I didn’t want to accept reality.

But yesterday morning, in pain, I wondered what has been going through the mind of that girl who may perhaps never look at an evening with joy ever?

In India, I have realised, it’s a truth. Women are not safe. You can give me hundreds of reasons why we are safe and yet I will tell you we are not safe. So scared I am, that I wonder whether I can bring up my daughter in this country at all. Well, you can argue that any country that way is not safe. Maybe, may be it’s not, but I wonder which country lets so many  men attack an innocent girl and TAPE it on video.

Enough has been written, said, argued, counter argued on the incident. My post is not to talk about it. My post is not even to talk about women’s rights or feminism.

As a mother and a woman, I am just wondering, what is in their mind?

The minds of the men who are accused? Are they repenting? Are they thinking how on earth could I behave in such a manner? Are they wondering how their actions would not be done by even the wildest of animals? (Wait, why am I insulting animals here?)

and the minds of the family of the men accused? Have their families disowned them or have they taken them under their wing like an indulgent Indian parent? Are they embarrassed to admit they are related to those guys or are they just carrying on with their lives as usual?

I am thinking about the family of the girl. What must be going through their minds? Why did we let our child go alone? Were we wrong in letting her dress the way she was dressed? Was there anything in our upbringing which failed her? Why did it happen to our family member only? Why why and more why?

It just leaves me so upset.

What happened was horrid. What happened scared me as a mother. and what happened should never happen again.

R’s Mom is a working mother in Mumbai trying to balance work, home and

Learn More

What is Domestic Violence & How to report domestic Violence - घरेलु हिंसा से बचाव (in Hindi)



  1. R’s Mom, if one looks at the general stupid reasons given, these are:
    – The victim was out too late/drinking/wearing ‘provocative’ clothing
    – The men were young/have families and hence should not be punished
    – She knew the men (hence went with them, asked for it etc)
    – Her past history does not show her to be a ‘good woman’

    When this is the general attitude of society, I doubt whether the families of the accused would be any different; and given their self-interest, they would probably be rationalising it to themselves using one of these excuses

  2. See this is the biggest problem of India..our family bonds are so “strong” that we are willing to overlook anything…I didn’t have the guts to read about that incident either..But the whole thing makes me even more paranoid.

  3. The assam incident and the emotions were not related to upbringing . It was more about aggression fueling aggression

    5.22 they leave the bar. But seem to go back in to fight more
    5.30 shoving and pushing
    5.51 4 guys 1 girl in white
    girl in white seen punching 6.10 girl in balack also seen brawling

    6.29 girl in white goes back in .
    Girl wit the black top(the girl who got molested) 6.54 seen punching the girl in white.

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