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As a parent, you want the best for your child, and want her to do her best. But have you given a thought to the damage that putting academic pressure on kids can cause?
Almost all parents want their children to be good at academics. I do not say it is wrong. In today’s competitive world it is required to be the best. But many parents put intense pressure on their children to score well, no matter how hard it is. Parents are afraid of the future, especially because of today’s economy. In addition, some parents desire to live their own unfulfilled dreams through the lives of their children.
Experts say that this type of intense pressure around school and performance can backfire, leading to social, emotional and physical stress. As a result, children can suffer from sleep deprivation, eating disorders, excessive worrying, loss of interest, depression, anger, withdrawing from family and friends.
This is not just a problem which the kids suffer in school. As they grow up the problems continue, and they can develop a dislike or hatred towards people involved in the process of their education, be it their parents or teachers, relatives or friends. Some of them become very rebellious, leading to much serious trouble.
Teachers are equally responsible in building up pressure. “Look at your elder sister – so intelligent. And look at you.” “I am going to call your parents to school.” And my favorite one, “Your senior batch was so good.” I wonder if every senior batch is good and every junior batch has spoilt brats.
Most of my mom’s students complain that with the grades and homework pressure, they always have a fear of failure and so less motivation to study. But I say motivation for success should be fueled by the love for what you do and not by any external pressures or fears. Do what you love and love what you do.
Do not compare your kids with others. Doing this is the recipe for causing stress to yourself and your kid. Remember your time as kids – you never wanted your parents to put pressure on you. The same applies to your children. Think about it. When you were a child, sometimes you would forge your parents’ signature on your report card. Nowadays, online access to grades means the kids cannot do that, and it puts unwanted pressure on them if you keep nagging them about it or keep comparing them to their peers who did better than them.
So what can parents do to avoid this and reinforce motivation positively?
Identify your child’s strengths, talents and interests. If she thinks maths is boring and loves to paint, that’s okay. She might do very well in a field that interests her. There are so many options available these days.
Recognize that his or her strengths may be different from those of his or her siblings. So do not compare.
Also, give a chance to your child to relax. Kids develop at different rates. There are fast learners, slow learners and steady-as-you-go kids in every group, so comparing your child’s performance can be completely unrealistic.
What this means for you: Focus on your child’s improvement and effort and use your child’s results as the benchmark for his or her progress and development. “Your handwriting is better today than it was a few months ago.”
And see the change.
Image source: mother and daughter writing together by Shutterstock.
A software engineer by profession, blogger by passion. read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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