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My friend had to just finish the last year of her MBA, but her MIL would neither let her do that, nor earn, and have no say in money matters.
When it comes to relationships between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, there can be disagreements on so many opinions. Some manipulations are quite common, but at the same time, she can be narcissistic. She will be a centre of attention by showing off in front of all the family members by being friendly and loving but at some point you will realize that she has another face too – the judgmental, negative and manipulative behaviour.
I was shocked with one incident in my neighborhood when I thought the grass was greener on the other side. The aunty was so loving and kind to her daughter-in-law. But she was a tough woman to live with. When the daughter-in-law told me she disliked her, I got so disappointed. It seems there is always a clash of opinions between them.
At first, I felt I, too, have these issues, but later on, I understood that there are toxic mother-in-laws.
These mothers-in-law will make you walk on egg shells, drain your energy, and always keep finding fault however you try to please them. They will criticize and judge you badly. From your appearance, your home making skills, your career choice, and even parenting skills.
They appear to be nice in front of the public, but they will belittle you in front of your husband and children, making you feel alienated. Society will see them as a kind and loving mother, but not for their daughter-in-law. She will even make sure that the neighbours are happy but not the daughter-in-law.
Recently, my friend had an issue with her mother-in-law. She wanted to complete her MBA. final year. On the day of her exam, her mother-in-law purposely invited relatives and told her not to leave the house. This kind of thing didn’t happen just once. It happened many times. After that, she got fed up with studying and decided to quit.
Today, she has no financial support, her husband keeps switching jobs, and she loses the freedom to do what she likes. If she tries to buy anything for herself, her mother-in-law who told her not to study is now shouting at her “How dare you waste my son’s money?”
Whenever I try to encourage her to study and finish her MBA, she gets sad and tells me, “I am only going to see an MBA degree in my dreams.” Like her, how many talented women must be out there who have lost hopes in pursuing their education or career?
She was not allowing my friend to keep pocket money for herself, and she couldn’t save money for the future or for emergency situations. Her mother-in-law used her son’s salary to control buying only what she wants and only to entertain her friends and relatives. With no money to spare for herself and no say in the matter, my friend was depressed and was not being able to enjoy anything.
Very few lucky women out there have the choice to study after marriage and advance their careers. Even work from home jobs have limitations. A lot of stress and difficulty in managing the household is being seen these days.
Of course, today there are mothers-in-law who are very loving and caring too. They manage the house so well without uttering angry words or being rude to their daughters-in-law.
But for those who are struggling with emotionally abusive mothers-in-law, it is painful and challenging, do not be discouraged, be empathetic, be brave, listen and understand your mother-in-law’s emotions, and keep learning new skills every day. Sign up for a meditation or yoga class, and keep sharpening your hobbies like reading or gardening. This will keep all the negative thoughts and anger issues at bay. When she notices that you are not affected by her behaviour, she will slowly change herself. You will learn to remain emotionally and mentally strong. Very soon, you will experience peace in your life.
Image source: YouTube/ a still from Badhaai Ho
A post graduate with certificaton in Content writing and Journalism. Fascinated in the world of inspirational and motivational books, a galaxy of knowledge out there inspired me into an avid reader since childhood. It gave read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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