I Lied To My Mom, That My Vibrator Was A Neck Massager!

When I bought my first vibrator and showed it to my girl pals, the first question I received in the group — "What if your parents find out?"

When I bought my first and only vibrator at 23 after getting heartbroken, the first question I received from my girl pal chat group after sharing the toy’s photographs was— what if your parents find out?

At 23, I lived far away from my parents, and I had no worries about anyone finding out about the cheap pink elongated tool of pleasure which I had bought from a Chinese website!

My not-so-bold step of buying a sex-toy did two things— it birthed a curiosity in my girl pals, and my future girlfriends were happy to explore various types of pleasure we could achieve with this cute thing!

Being a good friend, and someone who understands the need for a good orgasm — by good I mean something that leaves you crying for air while sweat is trickling down your body and your mind incapable of thinking — I ended up gifting vibrators to my girl pals for their respective birthdays.

Multiple possibilities exist for a vibrator

Since then one of them has used her toy as a neck and face massager and the other has used it as a tummy massager and the third one has made me buy more toys for each new birthday!

My first two friends think vibrators are multiple-purpose toys, especially good for the cause of having healthy skin. Apparently, they increase blood flow in your skin and make you look refreshed.

Different people have different tastes, who am I to judge?

Hygiene and pleasure go hand in hand, pun intended!

sex toy hygiene and maintenance

Never miss real stories from India's women.

Register Now

Now I am barely weeks away from 30, back home and working remotely. My opportunities to meet people for romance are limited; especially fellow queer people. And I am a coward who is afraid of dating apps!

In simpler words, my longest relationship has been with the pink-toy!

There are many kinds of sex toys in this world, and some are noisy as hell, and some are soft. My only toy has been pocket-size dynamite, which has been a good partner, but now it is nearing its end, hence needing extra care.

Every sex-toy user in this world knows or learns the hard way how vital the hygiene of the toy is, and how it needs to be looked after cleaning. A couple of days back, my toy was dismantled and left to dry after a disinfectant bath, placed in a corner where my art supplies are. Because monsoons can ruin any tech with humidity.

Words from the past came to haunt me

And the ominous words of girl pals from 7 years back came to fruition.

My mom was dusting my supply corner against my wishes and down fell the three parts of my adorable pink bullet on the floor. “What is this cute thing?” I jumped to pick the pieces up.

For a brief second panic did grip me, my mom is smart, and she uses Instagram, so she is not blind to things being sold there. Then I recalled, I have been known in this household for hoarding junk tech and thought immediately of lying.

Lying leads to more complications, and deciding against it, I offered her half-truth like the great Yudhisthira. “It is a pocket-size neck massager.”

She didn’t doubt my words, but looked at the thing twice, “So small?”

“Yeah, for the knots on the neck and shoulder.”

Now my mum is good at UNO reverse, “Show me,” if you hesitate, she knows you are lying.

I reassembled my sex-toy, and she looked at my hands. I could see it in her eyes, she was wondering why she had not seen this before, because I show her my junk tech all the time. “It is dying, so I rarely use it.” I offered an explanation.

“Isn’t it too pointed for a massager? Shouldn’t it be broader and with a sponge?”

Conversation in half-truths continues

How to hide vibrator from parents

There are many things on my bucket list that I wanted to do before I turn 30, but having a discussion on the design of my sex-toy with my mum was not one of them. After a few minutes, my old pink-toy was ready to be twisted and turned.

Luckily, my neck is always knotted because of my poor posture, without cringing externally I placed the pointy end of my toy on my nape and boom! The vibrations that had brought me pleasures for so many years had relieved the stiff feeling in two minutes!

It finally dawned on me why my girl pals were using it as a neck and face and tummy massager!

My entire shoulder was relaxed and the tight feeling on my nape was gone, and I felt comfortable. Looking at how I immediately felt better by twisting my neck like an owl, my mum offered her hand.

“I want to try.” I would never let her touch it, no matter how clean it is.

“We don’t share massagers!”

Never share toys, never

She is my mum, also a person who gets what she wants, once she is determined, “I need one, buy me one.” She was not asking, but demanding.

“NO!”

“Why not?”

“You can’t use one.” I was not denying her right to a relaxed neck and pain-free back, I was denying her a vibrator because of medical reasons. “You have spondylitis, your doctor has written it down specifically that you cannot have back, neck or any kind of upper body massage!”

Grudgingly, she accepted the reasoning, for now, but I know she wants to have a pain-free back. However, for that, we have to rely on yoga and exercise. And I am praying she doesn’t bring up the topic of pocket-sized neck massagers with my sibling. Because my sibling will understand what my so-called neck massager is without the need to see it.

Now I am hiding my vibrator from my mother for an entirely different reason!


Recommended reading

Image source: CnavaPro

Liked this post?

Join the 100000 women at Women's Web who get our weekly mailer and never miss out on our events, contests & best reads - you can also start sharing your own ideas and experiences with thousands of other women here!

Comments

About the Author

Guest Blogger

Guest Bloggers are those who want to share their ideas/experiences, but do not have a profile here. Write to us at [email protected] if you have a special situation (for e.g. want read more...

492 Posts | 2,566,224 Views

Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!

All Categories