Bullying Hurts and Deforms! Period.

My obsession with Facebook videos again lands me with a heart-stirring video.

A short video by Dr. Mansi Poddar, a notable psychotherapist from Kolkata, in the Brut India page. She mentions, how she had been bullied by her teachers. Hence, today as a psychotherapist and mother, she urges teachers to stop bullying their students. Despite frustration and stress, teachers should be empathetic to children.

I could relate to Mansi’s personal experiences. And, I could even relate to the recent viral video of an HDFC Bank senior employee abusing his juniors in an online meeting.

Therefore, just as teachers bullying is not OK, relatives, employers, and anyone taking advantage of their superiority can never be OK.

Now, I would like to share my personal experiences:

1. I was in class V when my relative body shamed me while on vacation. He asked the tour guide to make me climb the hill repeatedly. How he guffawed! I still can’t forget that harassment. And, from then onwards, I became conscious of my physical appearance.
2. There was another relative who advised me to get an iron chair, considering my excess body weight. How he laughed at his own joke! And, how my mother stayed silent, and felt embarrassed more due to me than him! And, I was too young to understand the depth of the remark!
3. Those days, in wedding, you had to sit, and food was being served. A boy (more or less of my age, and the bride’s cousin from his father’s side) commented I should eat less. One who knew me closely, replied, that I already ate less. Then, he advised, me how I should start worrying and being depressed to lose weight.
4. Now that body shaming became an everyday affair in the house I lived in, I tried to seek comfort in school. Touted as the second home, I wished to be free. Unfortunately, in class VI, our PT teacher body-shamed me in front of the entire class of boys and girls. How the teacher smirked through his moustache! And, how the peal of laughter echoed in the entire class! From then onwards, I stayed away from my classmates. Even today, if I meet a schoolmate, I prefer to hide myself and avert talking to him/her.
5. What can be more? During my B. Ed days, our Guidance and Counselling teacher, pinpointed me (again in front of the entire class) to link obesity with OCD. I was shocked! At a mature age, training would-be teachers, how could another teacher utter something so obnoxious?

Indeed, I have gotten used to doctors, highly educated people, and even those who have spent more than a decade abroad, humiliating me. Instead of ‘How are you’, it’s always ‘Why have you become so fat?’. Meeting someone after ages, I only get to hear what I never wish to (and shouldn’t) hear. All in the name of wishing me well, they can treat me any way they like- that too, in front of my child! And then, these same well-wishers complain, that I am so quiet, shy, cold and sensitive!

Besides body shaming, I have faced molestation too. Those inappropriate touches by ‘elders’ were of the least concern for my parents. However, I retaliated by promptly punching or pinching them hard. Surprisingly, even they couldn’t say, how ill-mannered I were!

Never miss real stories from India's women.

Register Now

I still can’t fathom how could I sail through my growing years. Since class V (perhaps even before, which I couldn’t process) I have been digesting bullying/abuse/harassment/advice. How that has impacted me, only God and I know! In our society, without heeding her, any issue of a girl can be sorted by marrying her off.

Unfortunately, marriage couldn’t rescue me. No more can I ‘respect’ due to age! Be it my husband or his parents! Hence, he has to show me where I should belong. Just as ‘age’ becomes the perfect alibi to misbehave, my weight becomes the perfect weapon against me. I have become a football, I shouldn’t eat, sleep and sit- and so on. He defends himself by saying that the more he derogates me, the more I will be provoked to lose weight. Losing weight can set my hormonal balance right and restore mental peace. To some extent, I agree but what if I say, poor mental health can also lead to hormonal imbalance and weight gain? Why is this second part so hard to chew?

If people are so concerned about my physical health, why can’t they be a little bit worried about my mental health? Can’t they prevent their sharp tongues to scathe me? Just because they are senior to me, and more experienced than me, they can’t puncture my self-confidence, self-esteem and self-respect. It’s inhuman.

Do you know what? If my ‘well-wishers’ come across this post, the very first thing they will do, is to inform my parents, as if I have committed some grave crime. I am still a little girl (with the weight of people’s opinions on me) to them! What will my parents say?

“Why are you deliberately behaving mad? You shouldn’t voice this out. This happens. You should ignore and adjust. And… they love you. That is why they constantly ask you to lose weight.” In short, I shouldn’t waste my energy on ‘petty’ issues like mental health, depression, toxic spouse and elders. Being unhealthy cannot be approved, but is it just limited to being bedridden, broken limbs, and the like?

Do you think, I will retaliate? Nope! People open their mouths to demean others, and to feel superior. They don’t intend to listen. All these and more just because ‘respect’ is tied to ‘age’ instead of action and behaviour. You need not ‘earn’ respect; you merely get it!

Comments