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When I was to be arranged in a marriage, my sheer work profile would scare off any prospective suitors. I remember my mother telling me that someone saw my profile, but they felt I was too fast and had seen quite much for my age!
Off late, I have been thinking of the price of my choices in life. The age-old saying that every choice costs something, either a penny more or a blow to your image or a lessening of your circle. Something always weighs in when you make a choice that is defying the herd.
I, for one, have always lived in a herd and also had friends in a herd, but ever since I was a child I had this streak of being the different one amongst the group.
I remember when I was in grade 5, although living with a joint family system in India there were many things one had to share, I was adamant about a study desk and a study corner. Of all the material desires any young pre-teen would have, I longed for some stability during my studies.
And my parents arranged for the same, I still remember my excitement of having something that was mine, and I didn’t have to share. But it came at a cost of being so different from my family, instead of asking for a fancy wardrobe or a bed I asked for something that labelled me the Nerd of the family.
There would be many days I would silently sit at my desk and have small tears come out as I would make my timetable, because of a comment someone said earlier that day. But that didn’t stop me at all, I enjoyed studying and till the time I was in academics I was always much above average and yes the first in my family to get the grades that I did in some very tough subjects.
Fast-forward to a few years into my early twenties, my life was already decided by my parents, but little did they or I know that my choices would again lead me down a different path. Taking jobs in very exciting profiles that required me to travel to unknown places within and outside India, the wealth of knowledge that I gathered, and the independence that I saw completely changed the course of my life.
That was the age when I was to be arranged in a marriage, but my sheer work profile would scare off any prospective suitors. I remember my mother telling me that so-and-so saw my profile, but they feel I am too fast and had seen quite much for my age.
And I would wonder, so is that a bad thing?
To be good at what you do and also get a chance to build your character and life skills set?
Even now that I am married to a progressive man, leading my independent life with choices we both make for the betterment of our lives. I still have to face labelling from people. In Indian society, there is very less place for a woman who wants to be an equal in her marriage, and who wants to prioritize mental peace over age-old traditions.
Here if you see a woman wanting to work, live separately from her family, and make bold choices for her life. There is bound to be a label.
Honestly, living in a borderless world, I see so many cultures through different mediums and I have realized one thing. In every culture, there is an expectation. But that expectation costs individuals quite a lot. It is up to every person to choose not to follow something just because they are forced to.
Of course, being called a nerd, ultra-fast and headstrong for my choices were labels that hurt me, but at the end of the day I have to live with my choices and if I can go to sleep each night at peace with my day.
Well, then being at peace is a label worth fighting for.
Image source: sinseehophotos, free and edited on CanvaPro
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Dear Women’s Web Community Member,
You may have wondered at our being on the quieter side during the last couple of months. Thank you for your patience, and we wanted to come back to you with a detailed note on what’s been happening at our end of things.
When we first began Women’s Web, as a blog from one woman’s desk along with a few like-minded souls, little could we have imagined the heights that it would soar to. Over the years, Women’s Web has published over 20000 stories (almost all by women), empowered countless women with the ideas, community and resources to chase their dreams, employed hundreds of women in core and project-based roles, and in the process, emerged as the OG women’s community in India. It has also inspired many others to build communities of a similar nature, all enabling women (and other-underrepresented groups) in their own ways.
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