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Life Taught Me That It Can Be More Liberating After Reaching 45!

Once you reach 45, it's time to let go of expectations of how life should be. Give in to your own desires and live for yourself!

Aha! So you are past 45 years of age.  Ahem….. And in an introspective world. Did you live right all way so far? Is this the life you wanted?

Are you successful? Has life treated you well? Was it worth so far? Is life slipping by? And biggest of all… Do I really look like over 45 years?

If you have these questions surfacing , simply wedge them out. Whether one wants to or not, we all reach time-bound levels in the game of life. But once you reach the level past 45, the game changes.

The most metamorphic time after infancy and adolescence. For the first time, one is relatively free. For most, the job is settled, the children have grown their wings, you should be beyond the expectations tangle with the spouses (if you haven’t….then do it right away).

You have seen pain; you have lived through moments of ‘this too shall pass’ and the biggest realisation has struck that everything is in flux.

So in this utterly non-homeostatic world, why are you still striving to find the right balance? Okay, so probably existentially reflecting on this was not the kind of life you had craved to carve for yourself.

No perfectly designed life!

That’s fine. No one gets the prize anyway for the perfectly designed life. Should we at 45 plus be bothering about this, or with a flutter and a chuckle in the heart sing the song of life with all its imperfections and perfections tucked away from remembrance?

What do most of us worry about as we cross the 40s….Am I old now? Oh, I haven’t done much in life and time has slipped away? Those grey hair sprout beyond your head spaces now and set off an alarm. My stamina will dip, diseases will attack the body?

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Looks like now I can’t tell my age a couple of years lower with conviction as there are probably too many tell-tale signs.

Have you actually lived all these years?

If you struggle to answer this question, you probably haven’t or don’t know what is the meaning of lived. The answer just lies in one word ….did you love yourself and did you love yourself enough? Hey, you women out there… still thinking instead of a spontaneous YES!

Sorry, looks like you just breathed all these years and forgot to live or didn’t realize you had to live. Okay, so that’s it… You have a long way ahead still and claim back that “actually it’s my life”.

Let’s stop bothering about years we spend in oblivion, neglect, and overlooking my needs before everyone else’s and march towards making my life selfish.

Ouch… this word is ugly and not fitting in my life. I am and have always been the epitome of selflessness. My existence has so far been defined only in terms of how giving I was and how much I cared for everyone around me.

Shut up and stop claiming these nonsensical tags. You lost yourself each time you put yourself last in the line. Realization dawns now, and it’s not too late.

There you adorn now a new reincarnation image, antagonistic to whatever you were. Judgments ruled out. You don’t really care what the world thinks about you.

Yippee! I am 45 plus and I can finally see my wings. I look into the mirror and say everyday, “Wow, it’s me!” Smile often and marvel at your beauty when you look into the mirror, both outer and inner. The shiny twinkle in your eye has to resonate with the foot-tapping music that plays in your mind.

I hear a lot of women saying they dress up soberly now that age is catching up with them. How does the increasing number of candles on the cake dictate taste for loud colours or those danglers, the high heel and likewise? Isn’t your mind thinking too much about what it should not?

Why should you change what you have been all these years?

Dress up well, exercise, look beautiful and wear a radiant smile for yourself. Bask in your appreciation of you. With a gurgle in heart, laugh off at the frivolity of the fickle relationship you had.

Embrace whoever, whichever way they are…it’s for your own catharsis. Think of yourself first as a priority, as if you don’t you will put the burden of your expectations on everyone around you whom you expect to be the keys to your own happiness quotient.

If you have expectations, have them only from yourself,  otherwise one day you will look back at life with remorse and pain.

Do not turn towards age-induced spirituality and refrain from forcing yourself to be philosophical, trying to seek the meaning of life. If you have wondered what the purpose of your life was, then answer is simple.

You came here in the world for yourself, to enjoy moments with your own self, rejoice in your growth, reverberate in your experiences, and look at everything from your lens. Whatever else you did in career, roles in society etc, were just mere projections of you, but their sum total will never define you.

Reconnect with people who were part of your journey so far, especially friends. Rekindle the old friendships, for they are instrumental in reminding you who and how you were.

Relationships from the past which never bloomed let them not bite the dust anymore. Reach out and connect with those whom we forgot or ignored so far.

Could be a nursery friend, a loving neighbour, a relative, someone who loved you, a supportive colleague or simply just an album of pictures. But mind you, regressions to the past do not imply repression. Let the emotions come out, but not as laments.

Observe … Do your feet seem light as you take strides? Notice them…they should, as if floating in the air.

What gives you this lightlessness is that finally, you found YOU. So grab the dress you kept for big moments in life, put on a smile, walk with a song humming in your heart…Oh gosh! If 45 is so interesting, can’t wait to reach the 50’s.

Image source: Youtube

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About the Author

Dr Pooja Birwatkar

I am a post doctorate in social sciences, specializing in education. An assistant professor at a reputed college of Education in Mumbai. My areas of expertise are Research , Life skills and Management of Education. I read more...

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