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Here’s How I Learned The Hard Way That I’m Replaceable For Everyone But Myself

Dear Fellow Women: Do not miss taking care of yourself because someone else needs you more.

No one needs you. The sooner you understand the depth and the freedom of these words, the better.

You are replaceable. Just like an old piece of worn-out cloth. You might have been a favourite once but people get over you. Such is the fragility of human relationships. Why have I come to this conclusion?

There was a time when my life revolved around my parents. I could not do without my father at all. Every breath, every step was taken only after I reached out to him.

Then there came a point in life when I wanted to be independent. I strayed away from my parents and needed them less until checking on them became just a formality. I did not understand the impact of my behaviour then, but after having my daughter, I was completely smitten by her.

I gave up everything to be with her…

My career, my social connections, my happiness, or something as simple as combing my hair (pun intended) because I was so full of love and so busy raising a little child. I was surprised when she turned one and just walked out of the house with the nanny without much of a second glance at me. She was going out to play.

‘Say bye, darling,’ I yelled behind her, and she mumbled a rushed ‘bye, mama,’ and walked off in a rush. Suddenly I was left with nothing to do.

Days have passed and my precious little baby, who could not sleep without being in my arms, reached another milestone and went off to sleep by herself. Without being in my arms with just a sleepy murmur of ‘goodnight mama, I love you, mama’. I watched my girl with tears of longing and pride in my eyes.

She needs me less more and more. While raising an independent child is good parenting as I read somewhere, it cuts you like a knife.

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Lesson: No matter how much love you give or sacrifices you make, you are replaceable.

When friends and cousins replaced me because of the distance between us

I have had friends who had been my rock. I have had cousins who were so close to me that I could not imagine my life without them. But then, distance happened. While I never believed that out of sight is out of mind, I have been proven time and again that relationships last and stay strong only if it serves you in the present.

As selfish as it might seem, it is true. Trust me, I have tried to hold on to relationships, friendships, and relatives, but there came a point in time when I was replaced. By someone who was more at reach.

The saddest part? When I stopped reaching back to those people, the bond broke. We are not foes, of course, just friendly strangers. It’s like you cannot hate them, nor can you openly love them.

Lesson: Decades of love and bonding is fragile enough to be forgotten.

Remember to put yourself first, don’t wait till people replace you

I am the kind of person who believes in people, goodness, and love. I have always put people I love first. I still do, bad habits take time to break. But the point here I am trying to make is, do not give up on your happiness to fill someone else’s cup.

Do not miss going out to a movie because you need to help with homework at home. Do not miss meeting your friends because you have a client meeting. Do not miss taking care of yourself because someone else needs you more.

I took a break from my career to be with my little one. Although I have no regrets for the precious moments I was blessed to have with her, a tiny voice does sometime tell me that I could have at least held on to something part time so that I did not have to start from scratch after the break.

Well, mommy guilt never lets you enjoy peace. But the fact that I want to state, dear fellow women, is: You are not important. You are replaceable. Do not bask in self importance that you forget to think about yourself. Liberate yourself. Trust me everyone will replace you. But the person who is reading this cannot exist by replacing you.

Take care of that person, the you who needs you. Let that person unleash her joy like she did when she was a little girl. Give yourself the permission to have fun and do the things you want to do rather than putting it off for when you are replaced.

Image credit: A Still from Dear Zindagi

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About the Author

Priyanka Kotoky

A Social Media Content Writer by profession. A writer by heart. A genuine foodie. Simple by nature. Love to read, create paintings and cook. Have impossible dreams. At the moment, engaged in making those dreams read more...

62 Posts | 118,883 Views

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