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The nature and shape of friendship changes over time. While no two relationships are the same, even the same friendship changes nature across the years.
When I try to chronicle my two cents on friendship, I wonder what I can say (or write) which hasn’t been said before.
The trailing thought to that is, there can just not be enough written about friendship as each one of us thrives in that relationship, and hence are bound to have a different taste to be able to log a different flavour of gyaan / musings.
Friendship, to me, is an underlying bond to all relationships – parent – child, siblings, lovers and of course, friends.
In any relationship which has fruitful, healthy conversations, a friendship develops, and over a period of time, evolves. Ties which have just monologues where the second person is not allowed to talk or express, are toxic. Friendships can never be toxic.
However just like clichés which get associated with any other named relationships, friendship comes with a set of its own too. And the few strands of grey give me an implicit right to challenge some.
I read somewhere, that ‘the best of friendships are bound together by ‘hoops of steel’.’ When one reads steel, one sees strong but also sees inflexible, un-malleable. Sprinkling a pinch of chemistry here, yes, steel is malleable but only at super high temperatures. We need friendships to be malleable, elastic. We need the relationship to adjust its form with time, as with time people change and the situations they are in, change too. It has to have the ability to change form and still come back together – not only under extreme situations just under normal, day to day ones.
To me, friendship needs to be like a super strong elastic band.
We hear ‘Best Friends are Forever’ or ‘If you have two friends in your lifetime, you’re lucky. If you have one good friend, you’re more than lucky.’ Yes, for as short as forever is from a ‘human life’ perspective it is amazing to have a childhood friend for friends till our supple senior years. But to associate the pressure of ‘best’ with any relationship, and that too forever, is a good recipe of conflict and heartache.
With time, the way we bond to anyone changes. What worked for us at 16 does not work for us at 32. There are times when we have wanted to have that one best friend with us always, especially during the teen and early adulthood years.
And then there comes a time when we need a village. Our village might have relationships at all levels, some more close than the others; nonetheless our definition of friendship does change over time. Where we had one, now we might have five so called ‘besties’ or maybe even none! It is just natural progression and is okay. By the time we hit our senior years, maybe just the people in our ‘village’ who are ‘living’, literally living, are the ones we share our lives with.
To me, relationships have always fallen into perspective, when given ‘finity’ – to life, to our expectations and to our commitments.
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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