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The nature and shape of friendship changes over time. While no two relationships are the same, even the same friendship changes nature across the years.
When I try to chronicle my two cents on friendship, I wonder what I can say (or write) which hasn’t been said before.
The trailing thought to that is, there can just not be enough written about friendship as each one of us thrives in that relationship, and hence are bound to have a different taste to be able to log a different flavour of gyaan / musings.
Friendship, to me, is an underlying bond to all relationships – parent – child, siblings, lovers and of course, friends.
In any relationship which has fruitful, healthy conversations, a friendship develops, and over a period of time, evolves. Ties which have just monologues where the second person is not allowed to talk or express, are toxic. Friendships can never be toxic.
However just like clichés which get associated with any other named relationships, friendship comes with a set of its own too. And the few strands of grey give me an implicit right to challenge some.
I read somewhere, that ‘the best of friendships are bound together by ‘hoops of steel’.’ When one reads steel, one sees strong but also sees inflexible, un-malleable. Sprinkling a pinch of chemistry here, yes, steel is malleable but only at super high temperatures. We need friendships to be malleable, elastic. We need the relationship to adjust its form with time, as with time people change and the situations they are in, change too. It has to have the ability to change form and still come back together – not only under extreme situations just under normal, day to day ones.
To me, friendship needs to be like a super strong elastic band.
We hear ‘Best Friends are Forever’ or ‘If you have two friends in your lifetime, you’re lucky. If you have one good friend, you’re more than lucky.’ Yes, for as short as forever is from a ‘human life’ perspective it is amazing to have a childhood friend for friends till our supple senior years. But to associate the pressure of ‘best’ with any relationship, and that too forever, is a good recipe of conflict and heartache.
With time, the way we bond to anyone changes. What worked for us at 16 does not work for us at 32. There are times when we have wanted to have that one best friend with us always, especially during the teen and early adulthood years.
And then there comes a time when we need a village. Our village might have relationships at all levels, some more close than the others; nonetheless our definition of friendship does change over time. Where we had one, now we might have five so called ‘besties’ or maybe even none! It is just natural progression and is okay. By the time we hit our senior years, maybe just the people in our ‘village’ who are ‘living’, literally living, are the ones we share our lives with.
To me, relationships have always fallen into perspective, when given ‘finity’ – to life, to our expectations and to our commitments.
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'Dr Saloni will take care of everything,' my MIL said. My cowardly husband refused to go against his mother’s wishes. I was left to fend for myself!
Some time ago, I went to a marriage ceremony with my parents. It was a very high-profile marriage – not the ones we usually were invited to – but in this case it was Ramesh uncle’s son’s marriage. Ramesh uncle was my father’s first cousin. He began his career as a humble elevator operator at the TIC business group. With his sheer hard work, grit, and the knack of sensing the right opportunities, within eighteen years he became the president of the company. My father and he were the best of friends during their school time.
Half an hour before the stipulated time, we left our house, hired an auto and reached the venue. All four of us were in our best outfits. Getting out of the auto and looking at each other, we were highly convinced that we were going to fit in just right. As we crossed the dazzling and beautiful portico, we felt very insignificant compared to the big lawn and building lying ahead.
Mother was wearing all the jewellery she had got, including the big old-fashioned necklace, earrings and shiny bangles. Father was wearing a velvet coat, brother had put on a light orange shirt with a black check coat, I myself was wearing a red salwar kurta with a net dupatta. I had put on a necklace with red beads which at the time of wearing looked very pretty to me. Now looking at the other guests, I felt all four of us must be looking like clowns who had come for a fancy-dress competition. I felt my brother and parents were also feeling self-conscious and uneasy now.
Live-in relationships are legal in the eyes of the law. Read on to know more on the rights of women in live-in relationships.
Live-in relationships may sound exciting. But sometimes they become complicated, especially for women and the children born from a live-in relationship. It’s important to be aware of rights of women in live-in relationships.
Live-in relationships are where a woman and man live under one roof with mutual consent, like husband and wife, but without getting married. This has become very common in metropolitan cities these days, where two independent people simply do not want to get married. This relationship can be terminated without the consent of the other party.
Live-in relation may not be recognized completely at the social level, but Indian law does consider this relationship to be legal.
A good series about women's friendships, I recommend Netflix series Firefly Lane, based on Kristin Hannah's book of the same name.
For those who’re looking for a good watch about women’s friendships, I recommend Netflix series Firefly Lane, based on Kristin Hannah’s book of the same name.
*Spoilers alert
I have often felt that there is not enough number of movies/series based on women’s friendships. This could be attributed to the fact that at their core, people do not believe in its existence at all.
Friendships and friends are so important in our lives, then why do women's friendships drift away after marriage? Finding out with #WomenOnTheMove.
Friendships and friends are so important in our lives, then why do women’s friendships drift away after marriage? Finding out with #WomenOnTheMove.
Marriage is a life changing milestone in a couple’s life. It not only alters their relationship with each other but also with others around them. These changes are more significant for women than men. Apart from change in her name, marriage profoundly changes the relationship of the bride with her friends too.
Marriage is a partnership, where the parties involved need to put in equal amount of effort, time, understanding and commitment to make it grow. Although it might sound harsh, marriage somewhere changes our priorities thus altering our friendships over time. Sometimes marriage also means moving away to a different location. Keeping in touch over phone calls, texts, mails becomes less frequent, new friendships are forged and old friends gradually drift away.