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Ever since my childhood, I have been overly enthusiastic about friendship day. Blame it on “Kuch Kuch Hota Hai” or SRK, but somehow it acquired an essential role in my life, ever since I was in Class 3.
As an optimistic person, all my life, I believed in ‘live, laugh and love.’ Honestly, I am an introvert; but I have always been good at networking and finding the like-minded people. So, I never felt the fear of missing out anything or anybody. I believed in people, and they believed in me. Our party always began when we all stepped into any random place together. Forget the party gears, props, or even the locations-we always had the best time together, even when we were broke.
Often, I loved to boast about the fact that I have collected such amazing gems all my life, whom I called friends. I had carefully handpicked each one of them and invited them to step into my world. It is worth mentioning here, that I always get turned on by ‘innocence.’ This was the primary trait, which my friends needed to possess, to enter my beautiful world. The rest were variable factors.
Two years back, as I shifted to Mumbai from Kolkata, my life changed dramatically. Mumbai has taught me to value people-the real, genuine people (not only friends or family members), who care for others, rather than the ones who fake it. As I grew up to be more mature and wise, I started distancing myself from the toxic energies around me.
I no longer wish to exist in a place where I am not wanted or accepted. I don’t want to be judged for my acne scars or the pimples I have grown; my repetitive outfits or the age-old handbag I carry. I have my investments, but those investments might not be jewellery, matching sandals, handbags, expensive makeups, or lip shades. I like to invest all of myself (also my hard-earned cash) in love, or intellectual satisfaction.
However, I am an adjusting person. I can deal with all sorts of people unless they try to misinterpret my intentions or hurt my weaknesses deliberately. These two cases leave me heartbroken and tormented and make me want to disappear from the world altogether.
Being a straight-forward person, I have always been clear about my intentions. Either I care for a person, or I don’t. There is no middle path. I don’t believe in fake promises or commitments, just for impressing or convincing anyone. I am equally committed to Jaime (my cat) because he is a part and parcel of my beautiful world, my family.
But, people change in due course of time, and their priorities shift too. No matter how much you love someone, you fail to comprehend their daily challenges or measure their personal growth. The same thing happens at the other end as well. So, we distance away from our friends, our extended families, loved ones, and plunge in our daily struggles. We forget the good times, and we judge them for their momentary behavior or attitude, and we choose to walk away from their lives silently.
In the last two years, I have lost many valuable relationships of my life; and the sad part is, I was neither too demanding nor self-obsessed! I was merely seeking acceptance and a comfort zone so that I could take a momentary break from adulthood. I was yearning for a friend, who could take me back to my innocent student life when I had no responsibilities, no tight deadlines or toxic people around me. But, my friends have failed me, in the same way as I failed them. I couldn’t embrace them with unconditional love.
People change; after all, “change is the only constant in life.” All we can do is, accept the changes, and filter out the negativity and toxic energies from our lives.
Nothing is permanent in life, so we can hope that someday we’ll reconnect again, and embrace each other with love, positivity, and good vibes.
First published here.
Image is a still from the movie Veere Di Wedding
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