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As an overweight child and teenager, I would always say to anyone who asked me how I was, that "I am fine." But was I really fine?
She goes through the day, sifting through her struggles, but if you ask her she says- “I am fine.”
She wakes up each morning and runs her hands across her belly just to be sure that it wasn’t all a dream, but if you ask her she says- “I am fine.”
She logs in on her laptop and does her work well but she avoids that one, which she feels she is running from for a while, but if you ask her she says the same!
She is there for everyone and plays her role extremely well despite wanting to not be present at all, but if you ask her she says- “I am fine.”
She is like you and me.
The blanket response to the most asked question of “how are you doing?”
Is always-
“I am fine.”
For me, this response has meant so much in so many different scenarios.
It has been a saviour in times I didn’t want to share the real picture with anyone.
It has been the mantra I use to make myself motivated and positive.
It has been a lie I tell myself often.
Times I felt ‘not fine’, are the actual moments I needed to address the feeling I have, that screams and tells me that I need to stop and look at what’s not fine in me.
The magic trick of making myself believe I am fine has been an age-old tradition of mine.
As an overweight child and teenager, I would always say to anyone who asked me how I was, that “I am fine.” When in reality, I felt the strong emotion of eating everything and anything I could get my hands on. All the while telling myself that I am fine!
Once I have eaten 4 cupcakes I will feel happy. That never happened. But I was always “fine.”
As an unhappy adult in my 20s, for a lot of reasons that life weighed heavily on me, I would always say I was fine but would eventually hide behind spending sprees and adventurous outings. Somehow it never made me feel better.
After years I realised that I couldn’t run from my feelings and manipulate myself into feeling something else. I had to sit with them. Acknowledge them.
Turning 30 made me see all that I wasn’t seeing earlier.
The 365 days to my 30th birthday were laden with unlearning my pride that stopped me from acknowledging whatever I felt.
I stopped telling myself I am too good for anything that is lacking in my life.
I stopped questioning the universe.
I stopped being bitter.
I stopped expecting others to show up for me, instead, I did that myself.
I sat down with my feelings each day, sorting through whatever I felt so that I could move on.
One of the most powerful sentences is, “I am not fine, but I will be!”
And the day I acknowledged that was when I started feeling genuinely fine, no escape needed.
And that truly is the definition of I am fine.
Image Source: Still from short film Name Plate/Blush, via YouTube
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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