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When my marriage ended in my mid 30s the set pattern of my life suddenly broke down, and made me think - do we really equip ourselves to deal with unexpected changes like these, growing up?
We are accustomed to life’s natural journey and our entire world revolves around this process. Every stage of our life is age-defined where a certain natural rhythm is followed and we are unobtrusively engulfed by it. Right from our birth to growing up, schooling, college, career, work-life, marriage, kids etc., this cycle is set and we must flow in this predefined dogma to avoid unwarranted circumstances.
Have you ever thought if one process falls out on a tangent, could we gracefully cope with the unexpected situation? Our society pays so much focus on this natural rhythm that we fail to prepare ourselves if ever this rhythm goes out of sync. Are we equipped enough or have the right survival tools?
This thought came to my mind recently when I was slapped hard by reality. I was taken off guard when one fine day my spouse decided to part ways, thus leaving me midway in my late 30’s and disrupting the natural rhythm of life.
I had to put a brave face and move on; work hard on myself to heal, to console my perplexed mind that we will get through with it, and yes we will find love again.
The post-separation journey was indeed a joyride, the feasibility of living a single life, those flirtatious encounters with younger guys that cajoled into a burst of youthfulness. All seemed exciting and surreal. Until when one such encounter with a rather young and handsome boy shook me to my senses.
It seemed like a fling, yet so oblivious that I was in love with him. Love is defined as beautiful, indeed but also can put you on wit’s end. My uncontrolled emotions were too much for him to handle, and he reluctantly got detached from me. On confronting him he bluntly told me what I did not want to hear. “Where is this going to lead us? There is no future. I have to get serious in my life, I can’t mess around anymore. Love is too much and look at who we are.”
It was inevitable. I was a fool to think I was free, yet I forgot he was only 23! At times we try so hard to place ourselves back in the derailed tracks of life; we fail to put things into perspective. Once we miss out on life’s natural rhythm, it becomes so much harder to find the right chords to mend back again. Sometimes it’s luck, sometimes it’s one’s destiny, and the rest of the time it’s the crude reality of picking up the broken pieces and simply living a quaint life of solidarity.
Image source: a still from series Anamika/ Pocket Films
An eccentric woman from Mumbai, living through the rose coloured glasses, one step at a time. I believe integrity and character are timeless catalysts that give us an impetus to survive through our undefined impeccable read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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