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Newly-released YouTube Tamil short film 'Because I Love You' sends a much-needed message about love not being about possessiveness & jealousy.
‘Because I Love You’, is a phrase that can be used as justification for a lot of horrific things. For instance, it is what some men think when attacking women with acid. They think that because they “love” a woman, she owes them love and must be punished if she does not reciprocate their feelings. But of course, this is not true love.
The short film ‘Because I Love You’ addresses the issue of when the titular statement is truly meant, and how it is different from assuming that loving someone is the same as owning them.
A newly-married woman, Priya (Deepika Raja), is being threatened by her ex-boyfriend who blames her for breaking up with him. Her extreme fear that her husband will find out about her past is testament to the fact that we live in an incredibly misogynistic society. A society that treats women like objects that reduce in value after being “used” by multiple men. The movie explores how the two men interpret love and how Priya deals with the situation.
Jealous men are romanticised in movies. The Tamil movie ‘Podaa Podi’ has the male protagonist as an extremely possessive a**hole. He does not like his wife dancing with other men in a competition that it is her dream to win. And the film’s solution is to have him participate in the competition with her, instead of having him work on his issues.
Another movie, ‘Manmadhan’, featuring the same actor (Silambarasan) has his character literally murder his girlfriend for cheating on him. Cheating is bad, but how can you murder someone you supposedly loved so deeply?
It is, therefore, a breath of fresh air to have a film in which the woman permanently breaks up with a man because of his possessiveness. The movie chooses to portray the man who is not jealous or possessive as the man who truly loves Priya. And I was so thankful to watch this (yes, the bar is very low).
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
– 1 Corinthians 13: 4 – 5 (from the New Testament of the Christian Bible)
As someone who has a possessive streak, I’ve always admired this quote about love. It talks about how being in love is all about being kind, patient, honourable, trusting, and selfless. Anything else is not true love.
Love is not about being envious that the person you love, loves someone else (it’s normal to be envious but that shouldn’t dictate your actions). It’s not about treating them like your property that provides you a certain amount of love, because you invested in it.
It’s not about hurting them because you don’t get what you want from them. It’s about not encroaching on their freedom. It’s about wishing them happiness even if it’s not with you. May we never again be tempted to romanticise toxic, jealous men.
Image source: Still from ‘Because I Love You’
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If her MIL had accepted her with some affection, wouldn't they have built a mutually happier relationship by now?
The incident took place ten years ago.
Smita could visit her mother only in summers when her daughter had school holidays. Her daughter also enjoyed meeting her Nani, and both of them had done their reservations for a week. A month before their visit, her husband told her, “My mom is coming for 4-5 months!”
Smita shuddered. She knew the repercussions. She would have to hear sarcastic comments from her mother-in-law for visiting her mother. She may make these comments directly only a bit, but her servants would be flooded with the words, “How horrible she is! She leaves me and goes!”
Are we so swayed by star power and the 'entertainment' quotient of cinema that satisfies our carnal instincts that we choose to ignore our own subconscious mind which always knows what is right and what is wrong?
Trigger Warning: This has graphic descriptions of violence and may be triggering to survivors and victims of violence.
Do you remember your first exposure to an extremely violent act or the aftermath of a violent act?
I am pretty sure for most of us it would be through cinema. But I remember very vividly my first exposure to aftermath of an unbelievably grotesque violent act in real life. It was as a student at a Dental College and Hospital.
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