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Growing up, I believed in the stereotypes about boys - that boys had all the fun, and got to sit out while women worked in the kitchen!
Growing up, I believed in the stereotypes about boys – that boys had all the fun, and got to sit out while women worked in the kitchen!
It is funny how the mind works based on what one observes and social conditioning. I grew up feeling that I should emulate men as men were obviously better than women.
Men discussed things that mattered, because men spoke about world affairs and gender equality sitting around in the verandah of the house till lunch time as their women congregated in the kitchen and replenished their tea cups. As a little girl I absorbed this and identified more with the men because I didn’t have too much interest in the kitchen except for making an occasional fancy ice cream recipe.
Men discussed interesting things while women spoke about recipes, food and family affairs in short gossip. At least that’s how my perception was formed. Now in retrospect men did gossip but in their baritone voice, the tit bit about someones affair was wedged between talks of the new Prime Minister and his portfolio and I am sure women discussed world affairs too.
Hence I grew up with this feeling that ‘I am not like other girls’. I know now that a lot of girls grow up with the feeling of being different from other girls and being one of the boys, and it is quite a disservice to being a girl or a woman. Also the male preference in society adds to the conundrum of wanting to be one of the boys.
This feeling of not being like a typical girl arises from the stereotypes around what girls want and what girls do. I didn’t relate to the stereotype of what it meant to be girly hence assumed that I am one of the boys.
I come from a convent girls school background and there were enough and more girls whom I related with and identified with, but the stereotype in the society and popular media is quite strong when it comes to how a girl should be. I didn’t really have a strong affinity to the color pink, I didn’t want to dress up pretty all the time, instead I wanted to pull my hair into a rough pony tail and got out into the sun and play, which plays into the stereotype of being a boy. Hence the deduction that I am more like a boy or the popular concept of tom boy.
I believe the idea of a tom boy is quite limiting and quite archiac – a tom boy is defined as a girl who wears masculine clothes and plays outdoor games as defined by wikipedia.
In my opinion a tom boy is nothing but a regular girl who is allowed to be herself, be healthy and pursue interests that appeal to her and not what society expects of her. Quite a number of girls are dissuaded from playing sports because it is not feminine, they will ‘lose’ their complexion and many such concocted reasons. It is out of this idea of regular things that are put in the feminine and masculine buckets that ideas such as tom boys and other such nomenclature arises.
This clarity in thought is something that I have feminism to thank for! I realize now that I was a regular girl – no matter what hobbies and interests I chose to pursue, and there are many like me.
I just hope that the future generation does not get bogged down with what society expects of them and finds themselves different.
Now I understand better and articulate better than my younger self could and hence I can now say that I am a woman and quite proud to be one.
Image source: Bruno Saito on Pexels
A traveler at heart and a writer by chance a vital part of a vibrant team called Women's Web. I Head Marketing at Women's Web.in and am always evolving new ways in read more...
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Neelu might have outwardly forgiven Ramesh, but in her mind, which once was filled with unconditional love for Ramesh, there was now a seed of resentment.
Ramesh’s footsteps paused at the entrance of the hotel’s ballroom. Inside, his school’s reunion party was going in full swing. The air was heavy, as expensive perfumes and the aroma of food from the buffet table, mingled. There were low murmurs, tinkling laughs and clinks of cutlery.
Ramesh had not wanted to come, knowing that she would be there. She, Neelu, who once had been the love of his life. Taking a deep breath, Ramesh entered the room. His eyes found Neelu almost immediately. She still looked the same. Maybe there was now grey in her hair and a few wrinkles on her face. But her vivacity, her mannerisms were still the same. Things, that had first attracted him.
Stop glorifying biological parenthood - other methods of growing a family are just as valid, and completely a couple's choice, especially of the woman whose body goes through pregnancy and birth.
Stop glorifying biological parenthood – other methods of growing a family are just as valid, and completely a couple’s choice, especially of the woman whose body goes through pregnancy and birth.
Trigger Warning: Contains derogatory remarks about having a baby through surrogacy or any means other than giving birth through biological means, and may be triggering, especially to adoptive parents.
Recently Priyanka Chopra Jonas announced parenthood by surrogacy. This has once again sparked the debate about ethical surrogacy, which is a discussion for another day.
Children are bombarded with messages that perpetuate stereotypes, especially by popular media, and family and friends. How, then, does a parent teach about gender equality?
The other day I was watching a popular cartoon series on television with my almost 3 year old son. I was shocked to see that the content of the cartoon was highly sexist and catering to some serious gender stereotyping. The women were confined to the kitchen and the men ate and slept. There were statements like ‘Girls are so good at taking care of the house. It’s so nice.’ It made my insides cringe to be very honest.
My impressionable toddler was listening to all this and was probably internalizing this in some corner of his developing brain. I wanted to physically rush in and pull out this memory from his innocent mind. This is how it all starts. Children are obviously not born with an understanding of what is ‘ideal’ male and female behaviour or roles. It is ‘us’-the society at large which keeps feeding them with such ‘information’ till their innocence is killed and they turn into chauvinist brutes.
Is feminism gender sensitive? No! Women can be sexist & men feminist. Raising feminist sons who grow up to be men who believe in gender equality is possible. #WomenOnTheMove share how.
Parents are more likely to tell their daughters that they can be anything they want — an astronaut, a sportswoman, a scientist, a lawyer — basically anything their heart desires. But do they do the same for their sons? If we want a gender equal society, one in which everyone has equal opportunities and can thrive equally, then we need to shun stereotypes and give our boys more choices.
In these tumultuous times, when violence against women is growing with every passing day, mindful parenting is the call of the hour. As Gloria Steinem says, “I’m glad we’ve begun to raise our daughters more like our sons, but it will never work until we raise our sons more like our daughters.”