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Applaud those who leave a broken marriage, they may now be free to live far more fulfilling, productive, and meaningful lives individually than when they were together. Or even with someone else.
Trigger Warning: This deals with domestic abuse and divorce, and may be triggering for survivors.
Melinda and Bill Gates recently announced that they are going in for a divorce, and all hell has broken loose on social media platforms. I saw many posts on my timeline commiserating on the Melinda-Bill Gates divorce. One even said ”So sad that money can’t buy happiness”.
Look, I’m not saying this because I’m divorced myself. But take note:
STOP feeling sorry for people who are divorcing. Feel sorry instead for your married friends who are stuck in miserable marriages but still going to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. Or maybe it’s you, I don’t know.
STOP feeling sorry for those who are divorcing even if you and your friends are in very happy marriages. We should be evolved enough by now to know that there is no guarantee that any relationship will last a lifetime. Stop believing in stupid fairytales.
Frankly, if it were not out of FEAR, how many marriages would last till the end in our society?
If the social, familial, and financial obligations to stay together that the institution of marriage imposes on people were not there, how many married couples would stay committed out of LOVE and JOY instead of out of fear?
Fear is the glue that keeps most marriages in our society together- fear of the children’s future, fear of huge alimonies, fear of being homeless, fear of not having the same standard of living, fear of staying alone, fear of dying alone, fear of not having anyone to look after you when you are sick, fear of what your parents will say, fear of what society will say, etc.
No, kids aren’t going to get messed up in their heads if their parents live separately and get divorced. We all know enough and more adults who are messed up in their heads but whose parents are still married. Which proves that it is not your parents staying together that counts but WHAT KIND OF PARENTS they were that count.
Remember that anyone who has taken the step to divorce, especially in a country like India, deserves your mad respect instead of your sympathy.
Because they have stepped out of the boundaries of those fears that have been conditioned into them, just as it has been conditioned into you.
I don’t judge or feel sympathy for women I know who want to get out of their marriages but can’t or won’t. I know they will celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary together and I will be there to celebrate with them. Instead, I have mad respect to them for having the discipline and mental strength to continue in a miserable marriage.
But it requires the same amount of discipline and mental strength to get divorced too.
So let’s stop this sympathizing over divorces.
If you would congratulate a couple on getting married, start congratulating a couple on divorcing also.
Because they may now be free to live far more fulfilling, productive, and meaningful lives individually than when they were together. Or even with someone else.
This is the new normal. Get used to it.
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Karishma has been writing short stories since she was 8 and poetry since she was
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