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The Day My Amma Died, My Mother Finally Became Free!

Posted: January 27, 2021

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Amma, I wish you could have loved me a little less. Maybe then, you would’ve loved my mother more and I wouldn’t be happy the day you died!

The day my Amma died
I was the happiest girl alive.

Amma,
Who used to
Make halwa for me
Midnight, no questions asked.

Amma,
Who used to
Take me on little
Adventurous afternoon sprees
Of old narrow lanes,
And housemaid’s tales.

Amma,
Who used to
Defend me when
Anyone used to scold me.

Amma,
Who used to pamper me
Like nobody else could or would.

But also,
The same Amma,
Used to make my mom cry.
For hours,
Days,
Years.
Snickering,
Taunting,
Tormenting she ruled.
Ruled over the house.

Amma,
Who shopped for everyone,
But my mom.

Amma,
Who used to give the best mangoes
To everyone else,
While giving my mom
The discarded half-rotten one.

Amma,
Who used to humiliate
My mom’s mother,
Father,
Brother and sister.
Every time she got a chance.

Amma,
Who never gave
One warm remark
To my mom
All her life.
Till her death bed.
Where she died of a terrible disease.
While my mom cried and served her.
Till the end.
Till the end.

Amma,
Who loved me,
All her life.

The day she died,
I felt so light.
She lay cold as a stone.
I saw her face and rushed
To the veranda.
And laughed
And laughed
And laughed.

For finally,
My mom was free.
Released as Amma’s
Soul left her body.

Amma,
I could have lived
Without unnecessary pampering.
But oh I couldn’t live,
With what you did.
I cannot live with all you did.

The examples you set.
The pain in my
Mum’s eyes ricochet.

Amma,
I wish you could
Have loved me a little less.
Saved my share of love
And watered the kindness
In your heart.

Maybe,
Just maybe then
I’d have had lived a healthier life.
Free of insecurities
And hatred.

Amma,
I loved you too.
But the day you died,
I was the happiest girl alive.

A message to Amma from the little confused girl and the lady she is now.

Picture credits: Still from Bollywood movie Badhaai Ho!

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