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Do educated households practice equality between men and women? My experience tells me internalised misogyny abounds in these households.
In order to start this story, let me begin with an anecdote “ we should focus more on teaching our sons the value of equality”. We all must have heard this once in a while. This more often than not suggests our failure as a society to teach our sons. And also points out the internalised misogyny which is so difficult to remove. We as daughters are adamant about not wanting to living the lives our mother lived. But the sons of the family are lured into finding a woman who works like their mother.
In a related incident, Neha, a doctor preparing for her PG, lives with her family. Both her parents have PhDs, a sister who is a lawyer in making and a brother who just entered into MBBS. When she visited her maternal grandmother (a retired principal), she was told to call her brother “Aap” and “Ji”, as he is now going to be a doctor. Neha initially ignored this completely as a ruse. But then she found out that the people had been serious all along and everyone else was calling him that way.
How many of you call both your parents as “aap”? Or is it just your father?
She also observed that among her 7 year old twin cousins(boy, girl), the boy once pushed his sister hard enough for her to need a doctor. Yet the sister was scolded. Yes, the girl was scolded, apparently because she was standing in her brother’s way and should have moved. I wonder if the victim of a drunk driver is blamed for walking in the driver’s way, as well?
Neha was being pressurised to get married at an age as early as 20. Now at the age of 25, her uncle who is also a doctor told her that she won’t be able to have kids. She, being 5’2”, was taunted about not being able to marry a guy due to her height. Even though her height, I think, is pretty normal!
These are just some of the things a girl goes through almost everyday. There is no right age, no right dialect, no right height, no right path to walk on for women even within her own family. I just hope that the equality that we talk about can be materialised in “educated” homes.
P.S: this is a true story of my friend with the names and a few details changed for privacy. Do comment on any similar incident that you faced.
Image source: Pixabay
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