Check out 16 Return-To-Work Programs In India For Ambitious Women Like You!
When we give up on our identities to serve our families, a time comes when we question our self worth. Sima's story shows us this reality.
When we give up on our identities to serve our families, a time comes when we question our self worth. Sima’s story shows us this reality.
Sima has been living at her parents’ home for the past two weeks. Her children are also staying with her. Pranay has not called her yet.
Everyday she hopes that he would call but so far he has not. On the outside, she appears to not care when her mother gives her the questioning look about her beloved son-in-law.
But deep inside, she is drowning in deep water and feeling suffocated.
Sima and Pranay have been married for ten years now. Sima has not looked for a job after she got married.
Why would she anyway? Pranay’s father enjoys rent from two high rise buildings in Mumbai and Pranay runs a consultancy firm; money has never been an issue.
She felt her sole focus should be on her children, their education and taking care of the household.
But today, Sima feels she has lost her own identity in the process of taking care of everyone around her. Who is she?
Her mother-in-law calls her ‘Bahu’, to Pranay’s friends and office staff she is Bhabhi, to her children she is Mummy.
She cannot even claim that her surname belongs to herself only as she used her father’s surname before marriage and now her husband’s after marriage.
Many women like Sima suffer from identity crisis at some point in life after spending years only looking after husband, children and their households.
They do not pursue or complete education, understand the importance of establishing a career or even pick up any hobby because they become so attached to family life which they make their first and only priority.
Some even lose connection with close family members like cousins they grew up with and old school friends.
In the process of focusing so hard and taking care of family only, they find themselves completely lonely, with nothing to do and no one to share their problems or spend time with as their children grow up and leave home.
Women need to realise the importance of pursuing their own interests and balancing other relations alongside performing family responsibilities. It is extremely important for positive mental and physical health as well as to help personal relationships to flourish in the long run.
Most men go to work everyday. They have no restrictions when they want to spend time with male friends or colleagues. Nobody asks them who is going to cook dinner or put the baby to sleep if you are always out.
There is no one to raise finger at a man if he does not share responsibilities at home but we create all these barriers for women if they want to do anything for themselves or invest their time elsewhere.
Unless an individual feels happy with their own identity, they cannot make anyone else happy or feel happy in a relationship.
To achieve that, women need to build our own identity, be allowed and encouraged to do what makes them happy and build their own social circle outside the kitchen and home.
It could be anything from traveling with girlfriends from school/work to taking up a language course or even starting an online boutique business.
Pursuing such interests and doing something for herself can not only help a woman to develop her self esteem but also understand her purpose of existence which is not simply for taking care of her husband and children.
Image source: a still from the film English Vinglish (YouTube)
read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
Please enter your email address