I have been called ‘sexy’ by many people, but does that make it Ok for you to expect me to talk about sex with you or fantasise about me? NO.
When I was 16, I often received the compliment ‘sexy,’ while my sister was always the cute one. While I was too young to discover the meaning of the term and explore my sexuality, many found me capable of attracting the opposite gender. I sang ‘sexy sexy sexy, mujhe log bole’ and brushed it off my mind, though it haunted me for a long time.
I had other important things to focus on on- films, fiction, and my career!
Growing up, I found a lot of people interested in my ‘virginity’ and sexual interests. I realized that many people find it a pleasurable fantasy to decode people’s personal lives and write the script inside their heads.
But, the worst part is when they play ugly mind games to decode your personal experiences, and you become the living character of their pleasurable fantasies!
Under many circumstances, I found people making an excuse to step into my personal life and space. Sometimes, they even tried to manipulate me into talking about sex. Let me quote a recent comment by someone via LinkedIn – “Being sexy is not all bad and talking about sex is not negative.”
Most of the time, I heard similar comments. I agree with them, but stepping into someone’s boundaries with any excuse is ugly and negative.
While I know that talking about sex is not regressive, even without the poor demonstration skills on social media, I am not comfortable playing a role inside people’s heads! I might be comfortable about writing a pleasurable fantasy for the world, but I might not be comfortable to chat about sex or sexuality with a specific person!
I believe that today what’s really sexy is to respect someone else’s personal boundaries and individual choices, without being judgmental!
If I am not comfortable to talk about my sex life, please don’t insist that I do so because you want me to talk about it with you! That is regressive, and doesn’t make you an attractive person.
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