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Why Do We Ask Daughters To Be Tolerant And Let Our Sons Do As They Please?

Posted: July 13, 2020

Enough of taking women for granted especially in a marriage where men feel they can get away with any kind of behaviour. Time for this to change.

Thappad.. bass itni se baat

‘Thappad’, as it has been described on the TOI website, is a silent slap on our society’s age-old belief that — ‘shaadi mein sab kuch chalta hain’ (anything is ok in a marriage). But honestly, should it be that way?

The movie portrays well the different roles that are in real life being played by every one of us, more or less a similar way.

Why do we ask daughters to be tolerant?

Be it a housewife or a working woman, it reminds us that a husband cannot let out his anger or frustration or any sort of stress on to them.

It shows how a father who understands the indignity of his daughter ignores the sacrifices made by his own wife, even though it could be unintentional and inadvertent.

It shows how, often mothers of a son, despite themselves having a daughter too, feel no empathy and ignore the wrongful things or issues that happen with their bahus because of their son; and how mothers of a daughter often try to go with the patriarchy and tell their daughters to be tolerant and ignore trivial things that may happen in marriage and move on.

In all cases, the woman suffers more

As rightly said by Taapsee’s brother’s fiancee in the movie, in our society, it is the woman who suffers the most when a divorcee tag is attached to her after a separation from her husband, no matter whatever be the reason, and regardless of the truth that she may be on the right side. And this is why woman are often told to be tolerant and adjust with whatever happens to avoid the post separation consequences.

As Taapsee’s father in Thappad says, every right decision may not have a happy ending.

Teach sons women have a right to their lives and dignity

It’s time we must teach our sons to respect a woman, and also not to hurt her in a way that effects her self respect and dignity as a woman in any relationship. It’s time that we teach our children to acknowledge and accept it when they commit a mistake.

In a marital relationship, women are often portrayed as being on the wrong side. People often defend themselves by pointing out how a woman is ignoring all other happy incidents and just holding on to one or a few particular negative incidents that happened (like a black dot on a white paper). But sometimes even one such incident could affect her self respect and dignity. Yes, seeing that particular incident could be like seeing a black dot on white paper, taking more significance over everything.

Men might feel “it just happened” or that they “might have uttered some words out of anger”, but it effects a person much more than one can imagine as they are not the ones who experienced the unfairness.

It’s time for a change!

Image source: a still from the film Thappad

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