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When it is the woman's parents who have made her who she is today, shouldn't she be given the choice whether or not to change her surname?
When it is the woman’s parents who have made her who she is today, shouldn’t she be given the choice whether or not to change her surname?
The surname has always been a much-debated topic, especially today since women have begun being independent and getting at par with men. But how is one’s education and independence related to their surname?
Does having the government-issued certificate with their father’s surname give her the identity of being his daughter? Or does it give them the respect they deserve for being who they are?
Our mothers changed their surnames to that of their husbands’ after their marriage without any objections. However, today it has become a topic of great debate in several households where women are questioned for their choice to not change their surname.
Why shouldn’t a married woman be allowed to keep her father’s surname? Aren’t her parents the ones the reason she is whoever she is today?
Her husband and in-laws aren’t doing her any favours by ‘allowing’ her to work and earn. After all, many may claim that they barely have any interest in her salary or other benefits, they do enjoy the financial benefits too!
Recently, I read a post on surnames which got me thinking. The post said that in Valmiki Ramayana, Rama is primarily described as Kausalya’s son and Dashratha is introduced much later. In fact, even the suprabhata that some of us listen to in the mornings starts with the words ‘Kausalya Supraja Rama.’ Rama is basically described and identified as Kausalya’s son. Thus giving more importance to the mother’s role.
This doesn’t mean that the father isn’t important. However, there is no evidence is any of the scripts I read that says that a woman must change her surname to that of her husband’s after marriage. I am not really sure how and when this started and why has it become a mandatory and default thing to do.
When it is the woman’s parents who have made her who she is today, shouldn’t she be given the choice whether or not to change her surname? Why must we make it into a debate and cause problems? Or can someone give me a proper and logical explanation as to why men keep their parents’ surnames but women can’t?
When people refer to the Ramayan and Mahabharata for everything, why can’t they follow the same for the situations and issues that are relevant today?
Picture credits: Still from Hindi TV series Shaurya Aur Anokhi Ki Kahaani
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Mostly Normal is a book of innocence, longing, filial love, angst and acceptance, encapsulating a gamut of human emotions within its lightweight edifice. The book touches the human heart and will stay with you.
Some books enthral you till the last page, and then there are those that you stop reading after turning a few pages. Some books are a one-time read, while you carry some books with you long after you have read them. Then, once in a while, a book hits you so close to home that you find it difficult to slot into any category.
I will put Priyadeep Kaur’s Mostly Normal (BookSoul Reads, 2022) in this last bracket.
At a little less than hundred pages, Mostly Normal is a testimony of the power of words to inspire, irrespective of their length.
Most women do not get to live their lives the way they want, on their own terms. So why should they be tied down in their old age?
Every morning, while dropping the kids at the bus stop, I find a grandfather waiting with his granddaughter. I see him again when I fetch the kids. This has been the pattern for the last few years.
He is seen actively participating in his granddaughter’s activities, from morning and evening walks to attending her parent-teachers meeting, sending her for extracurricular activities to even planning her birthday party. He is admired by all. He is appreciated for making himself useful in his old age. People rave that the doting grandfather is doing his duty towards his children and grandchildren. The much-admired grandfather is also a widower, having lost his wife years ago to chronic disease. It’s also to be noted that both his son and daughter-in-law are working parents.
Every day, the onlookers appreciate his sense of duty and dedication. They say that this is how the elderly should keep themselves occupied. They should bring up their grandchildren while their children go off to work.
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